Pleasuring the Pregnant Woman

by Shelly Lomax A licensed Sex Therapist for Trimet of Portland

Pregnancy is an exciting period of immense change. But, did you know that ‘expecting’ can also be a phase of major desire? As her body transforms to bring new life to the world, a woman can experience incredible arousal and intense receptiveness to physical stimulation. We’ll explain what happens to her sex drive as she advances through the three stages of fertile development. We’ll also discuss the importance of self-pleasuring and how it cultivates a deeper connection within a female’s changing body.

Pregnancy and Desire
Pregnancy can affect a woman’s libido by intensifying her response to physical touch and sexual stimulation. Much of this is brought about by a surge in the production of pregnancy hormones. This effect will introduce many changes in a woman’s physical and emotional state.

She will notice differences to her body early on in her pregnancy: morning sickness; bouts of extreme tiredness; weight gain; breast tenderness, sensitivity and engorgement; an increase in blood flow throughout the reproductive regions; a sense of pelvic fullness; and that genitals feel sensitive and engorged.

She’ll also become aware of changes to her state of mind. Once women are pregnant, they can become more vulnerable to mood fluctuations and suffer an inability to concentrate. Some experience a euphoric sense of well-being, whereas others feel self-conscious and uncomfortable with the changes happening to their bodies. She might also feel nervousness mixed with excitement, which many mom’s-to-be experience. Some women experience a sense of sexual liberation because they no longer have to worry about ‘getting’ pregnant; this can have a very positive impact on their sex lives, as they are free of anxiety and can just enjoy sex.

Sex Comes in Stages
Once you’re expecting, what worked for your love life in the past goes out the window. Sensations that used to drive a woman wild during pre-pregnancy days could completely irritate her today. This section will explain how she’s feeling at every stage of her development; we’ll also provide advice to tackle each trimester.

First Trimester
This is the period when women begin to adapt to the changes taking place within their bodies. You can have sex as you normally would, because the fetus isn’t large enough to physically hinder her. A woman can lie on her back without difficulty, enjoy a variety of positions, and comfortably receive deep penetration.

What to watch for

This trimester’s biggest adversary is morning sickness and, unluckily for some women, it can last all day. Statistics show that as many as eighty percent are plagued by some degree of nausea and vomiting during the early phase of pregnancy. Trying to cope with it is frustrating, and the symptoms can inflict emotional as well as physical pain.

If she’s struggling with queasiness, the last thing she’ll want is sex. However, it’s important that a couple maintain some form of intimate interaction. Not only does it nurture your connection with one another, there’s a high likelihood that it can diminish some of her symptoms. If it feels like nothing is working, take intercourse out of the equation and start with something very simple. Sensual stimulation, whether it comes in the form of nipple stimulation or foot massage, may be just the thing to ease moodiness, decreased energy and nausea.

Some women begin to worry about having to perform sexually when they’re pregnant. This could be due to a variety of reasons such as: they feel insecure and unattractive; or, they feel physically uncomfortable. Receiving extra encouragement and attention can alleviate any undue stress that she has about sex. A valuable approach is for her sexual partner to do a bit more work in the bedroom and, say, perform a sensual massage, or carry out an attentive session of oral sex.

Second Trimester
Once she has overcome the trials of the first trimester, good things await in the second. There’s a high probability that a pregnant woman will feel great, both mentally and physically. She’ll also experience increased libido and better personal lubrication. In fact, sexual arousal can become so heightened that some women experience the best clitoral and g-spot orgasms of their lives. In addition, they may climax much more quickly than before. Part of the reason for this is that the blood flow to the genitals and nipples increases up to fifty percent. As a result, the sexual organs increase in size and become even more disposed to stimulation.

Some women experience a huge desire to initiate with their partners. On the other hand, her partner may be less apt to want to engage her sexually for reasons such as feeling the baby kick, or not wanting to hurt the baby. Do not worry! The baby is protected is the uterus, buffered from physical contact by the fluid in the amniotic sac. As long as the doctor doesn’t suspect any risk factors, such as susceptibility toward preterm labor, it is safe to engage in intercourse.

What to Watch For

Later into the second trimester couples may have to get more creative with their sexual positions. Deep penetration may begin to feel uncomfortable. It is also common for a pregnant woman to experience discomfort while lying on her back because the weight of the uterus can cut off her blood supply. This can cause shortness of breath, a sense of anxiety, and can affect her musculature.

Third Trimester
A woman’s sex drive generally stays high in the third trimester. However, sexual activity can diminish due to the busyness of preparing for the baby. If it becomes difficult to find opportunities to engage sexually as a couple, both women and men may turn to self pleasuring as a way to relax and stay connected to their sexual self.

A benefit (for the woman) of continuing to experience orgasms during the third phase of pregnancy is that it can help prepare the body for labor. Through sensual activity, additional blood flow is directed throughout the reproductive regions. Not only does this nourish the area and allow it to relax, it generates gentle contractions in the uterus. However, exercise some caution when orgasming during the last few weeks of this trimester. The body becomes so highly sensitive to Oxytocin, one of the hormones released during orgasm, that it can spontaneously go into labor.

An interesting technique to practice this term is Perineal Massage, that is manipulation of the area between the vagina and the anus. Using massage to stretch the tissue helps to decrease the risk of tearing and episiotomy during labor. You can read more about this in an upcoming article.

What to Watch For

Sexual positioning becomes more challenging in this last period of pregnancy. Side lying and penetration from behind will be your ‘go-to’ positions, because they don’t put painful pressure on the back and abdomen. Her heart is working harder to pump more blood to the uterus which, by the end of her term, takes up approximately one fifth of her blood supply. Because of this, women get easily very winded in this 3rd trimester, so positions that are less demanding will be welcomed by the expecting female. Some couples find that face-to-face sex poses can be uncomfortable or even a bit distracting because they can feel the baby’s movements.

You may have heard that by the time you reach the thirty seventh week, sex can induce labor. Receiving semen through direct contact with the cervix can help it relax and dilate. When you go into the hospital to have pregnancy induced, a component of the medicine contains synthetic prostaglandins. Interestingly, the natural form of prostaglandins contained in semen is actually 25% more effective at opening up the female’s cervix. Given that intercourse can speed things along, seek your doctor’s guidance as to whether or not it’s safe for you to do.

Self Pleasuring
Because of the enormous change that the body undergoes during pregnancy, it may come to feel unfamiliar, as though it doesn’t belong to you anymore! Not only is masturbating a great way to relax, it can help you reconnect with your transforming body. You can rediscover what feels pleasurable and, in turn, communicate that to your partner. See our Female Masturbation Guide for tips and techniques.

Final Thoughts
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, it is important for a woman to do whatever possible to stay orgasmic. Maintaining a healthy level of sexual energy will help an expecting woman stay connected and satisfied through each stage of her pregnancy. Check out our {Sex during Pregnancy} article for a practical guide and great tips for pleasuring the pregnant woman.

Superbe Personal Massager

by Shelly Lomax


Of all the Natural Contours products I’ve tried, the Superbe is in the running with the Liberté for 1st place - it was F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S. The soft curves achieve ergonomic harmony with the female form; it’s no wonder that this toy was made for women, by women.

Description and Materials
The Superbe comes in a fun, bright yellow color. Its profile is curved like the shape of an “L”; from a head-on view, it’s got a wider base that tapers and rounds over into a thick curved tip. The impact resistant case measures 4 ¾ inches in length and its width graduates from 1 ¼ to 2 ½ inches. The body is made of a smooth ABS plastic that glides deliciously across your erogenous zones. The rigidity of the material provides women with the accuracy to hone in on the spots that need indulging.

The advantage this particular shape offers is that it’s discreet. This makes it easy to keep around the house, particularly if there are curious hands rustling through your so-called hiding spots; it’s also great for travel.

How It Works
The Superbe offers 1 continuous vibe function with 3 speed options to choose from. It fits comfortably in the palm of your hand and feels really lightweight, even with the 2 AA batteries inside. The battery compartment can be accessed by pushing on the depression and sliding the cover right off. It’s rather fussy to close the cover so make sure that your line it up right to put it back on. The power switch is a slider and is located on the topside of the toy. It’s easy enough to change speeds while you’re at play, but I would have preferred it to be located closer to the wider end of the toy.

In terms of power, the vibration that was delivered was not really as precise as, say, a pocket rocket - but I was surprised as the level of accuracy it did provide. I found that the vibration didn’t numb my hand, because Superbe’s vibe was more concentrated on the tip side. However, there was still enough juice delivered throughout the rest of the toy to be able to enjoy every inch of its curves. To be clear, this toy isn’t exactly the most powerful vibrator, but it did produce enough to satisfy those who prefer intensity ranging from very gentle to medium strength.

Packaging/Storage
This pleasure device came in the signature Natural Contours wrapping - a compact black cardboard box, folded to effectively display the toy, and a semi transparent clear plastic sleeve. The Sleeve was tastefully embellished with pictures of the Superbe and a few written features and benefits. 2 AA batteries were included in the package, as were operating and care instructions. There wasn’t anything included to store the toy in, so get yourself a satin or velvet storage bag; a lint free sock will do in a pinch.

Audibility

Although the Superbe was advertised as having a low noise motor, I was disappointed with the loud sound it made. The mechanism had an annoying buzz and the batteries rattled against the body of the toy. It was really not up to scratch in the audibility department. I hope that in future products Natural Contours comes up with a way to design the body of their toys to synthesize better with their low noise Japanese motors.

Pleasure Factor
It’s all in the shape. Once you get reasonably lubricated, turn on the toy and experiment with the sensations created by this ergonomic massager. You’ll notice that the Superbe fits comfortably over the pubic mound and its tip rests teasingly close to the vaginal opening. The sensation of rubbing the toy back and forth from clitoris down to the vagina will actually begin to feel like someone’s satisfying fingers. Even just letting the toy lay across the pubice without any extra handling on your part will feel good.

My absolute favorite thing to do with the Superbe was to penetrate my vagina. If the width doesn’t overwhelm you, you’re on the road to some serious pleasure. The rigidity of the toy gives you the control to manoeuvre it more precisely. The long curve is downright fantastic in stimulating the G-spot, particularly if yours isn’t extremely deep in your vagina. The other aspect I love is that you can twist the toy around while it’s inside you to reach sensitive spots that are off to the right or the left; every woman’s body is different and so too is the exact positioning of her G-spot. The Superbe is the tool that can help you explore the intricacies of your pleasure spots and in my opinion, was amazing to locate the G-spot with.

Cleaning
This toy is not designed to be submersed in water. The manufacturer recommends that you clean it with a washcloth and mild soap. You can towel it off but let it completely air dry before storing it away.

Critique
In the last year, I’ve reviewed many toys; many have caught my interest because they were well crafted, multi functional or had some other unique or unusual feature to it. This is the first toy in quite a while that has completely blown away any negative assumptions I had about it. The shape was unlike any I have tried in the past; I was completely surprised that this one would be the product that would give me such an amazing experience.

The Superbe is a diamond in the rough, and I say rough because of a few key characteristics that could be improved upon: battery rattle, finicky battery cover, loudness and lack of waterproofing. I also wanted to be able to insert the toy just a little bit deeper into my vagina, but I couldn’t go in any farther without getting juices into the slide control. I felt that the wide end of the toy could have been curved a little differently, say in an ‘s’ shape, in order to facilitate better insertion control. The slider too, could be moved towards the wide end of the toy.

Long Term Appeal

The Superbe’s non phallic shape makes it an attractive toy for the long run. It’s kind of like buying a classic pencil skirt or a basic black cardigan; there are less trendy features to get bored of and you’ll be able to integrate it into your play on many more occasions. The Superbe has earned a place in my ‘go to’ pleasure chest; it’s hygienic, uncomplicated and delivers great orgasms, all factors that appeal to me on a longer term basis.

Value
The cost of this toy is superb; there is major bang for your buck. Also because it’s priced in a lower range, it makes it a less of a risk to try out.

Final Thoughts
It lost a few points with me because it was too loud and lacked in certain aspects of design and manufacturing; nevertheless, it still gave me wicked awesome G-spot experience and I recommend it as a worthwhile, low cost toy to pick up. I rate the Superbe an 8.5/10.

7 Tips for Sex in the Shower

by Shelly Lomax of Trimet

For some people, sex in the shower proves to be a carnal challenge. Some feel uncomfortably confined while they’re in the stall, while others get too distracted by the thought of slipping and falling. However, although it takes some creative manoeuvring, there are many advantages to this very wet form of sexual activity.

Why it’s Great
The shower is the most natural place to be naked, and getting intimate there creates a novel twist to your sex life. Having steamy hot water run down your bodies can be extremely seductive, which also seriously increases your chance of getting lucky. The setting is naturally conducive to sensual caress, oral attention and deep Kissing. It’s an efficient, no fuss way to get off, and comes in especially handy when you don’t have privacy or when time is a constraint. It’s refreshing and invigorating, which is great for those who fall into a coma-like sleep after they cum. It’s also very suitable for those who suffer from the adverse effects of chronic body odor.

Doing it in the shower is a highly effective form of Foreplay, as well as a perfect opportunity to get a quickie in. Shower sex can be the place where the main event takes place or a deliciously clean precursor to getting dirty everywhere else in the house. Though, you don’t necessarily need to leave the bathroom. The shower is a great transition to or from having sex on the sink counter, in front of the bathroom mirror, or up against the wall; you can use the toilet (with the lid down) as a seat while you give head or as a prop for sex positions like Doggy Style - Standing.

So now that you’re all fired up to get wet, check out our tips for shower sex – they’ll help make it sexy every time you step under the spritzer.

1. Safe is Sexy
Please be careful when getting down in the shower. It’s very easy to slip, so take precautions to avoid any unnecessary, let alone embarrassing, injuries. Here are a few suggestions. Make sure your shower floor is clean of any soapy or oily residue. While at play, use bath products carefully; you can easily lose your footing on a slick body scrub. Although steamy can be sexy, provide adequate ventilation to prevent anyone from getting faint or dizzy.

If you don’t have ledges or handles to hold on to, head down to the local hardware store and see if you can find handles or towel rods that can securely adhere to the shower wall. They provide added support and stability for the couple, and if positioned right, can boost eroticism. (Try sticking them on the ceiling or higher up along the wall.) Avoid slippery floors by using adhesive grips or a rubber mat. If you need a boost, an option to check out is a sturdy, rubber-bottomed stool.

2. Make it Spic and Span
Soap scum and piles of hair in the drain take the magic away from shower sex – and fast. A bathroom that’s well prepared for sex includes a sanitized shower stall, a fresh scent, and clean towels. Avoid clutter by removing unnecessary stuff off counters and the shower caddy. Post coitus, make sure that all leftover bodily fluid is rinsed away; if not, it can leave a sticky residue that’s hard to clean.

3. Set the mood
Be prepared for anything and everything. Many of the same accessories you keep handy for lovemaking in the bedroom are useful in the bathroom; candles and scented Massage oil are a must. Have nicely scented soap on hand, but use it with care! For many women, not only does it lead to an uncomfortable reaction when it contacts the vagina, the irritation may linger for days afterward. Opt for lots of foreplay to get lubricated and keep a bottle of silicone (not water-based) lube on hand. One of the few downsides of shower sex is that water quickly washes away natural lubrication, so have some extra handy!

4. Clean Each Others’ Nooks and Crannies
Washing one another is an intimate and seductive act. Both of you come out clean, smelling fresh and feeling confident, all of which help put you in the mood. Use a sponge, bath mitt or soft washcloth and lather each others` bodies with a mild soap or gentle shampoo. Take your time to caress sensitive areas and feel free to sneak in a tongue or a finger.

This activity is a natural lead in for other sensual stuff like Oral Sex, erotic shaving, Analingus, and Anal Sex. If you’ve always wanted to try some racier oral sex positions, the shower’s the place to do it; we recommend trying Eve’s Ecstasy, Jack Hammer or Forbidden Fruit. And, when it comes to the ladies, make sure you spend enough time getting her really turned on – a common complaint from women is that shower sex takes too much concentration without enough pleasure.

5. Water Toys
What a great place to introduce a sex toy! Consider the fun you could have with a waterproof vibe. There are also splash-proof, hands-free options available that can be worn by either a man or a woman. How about a Dildo that you could suction to the shower wall? If you don’t have any Sex Toys suitable for water play, use tools that are located right at your fingertips. If you don’t have one already, a quality shower head is the best investment into your sex life in the shower. As one of the most common ‘sex toys’ that women start out Masturbating with, not only will she appreciate the gesture, she’ll also love all those fan dangled spray and massage options.

6. Appropriate Sex Positions
Prepare an arsenal of passionate poses to steam it up in the bathroom. If there’s a significant height or body size difference, it’s all the more reason to have some practised in your mind. In addition, be mindful of positioning yourselves so that water isn’t spurting into one another’s face.

The most appropriate positions are variations on the standing Rear Entry position, Bodyguard. Have her put her hands up against the wall and spread her legs, as though she were getting frisked, and penetrate her from behind. Get her to bend right over as in Ben Dover and then support her by the wrists in Prison Guard.

If you want gaze into each others’ eyes, try some of these face to face poses. If differing heights don’t get in the way, be on your feet in a sort of standing Missionary; then, get a leg over in Dancer, one of the most popular positions for the shower. If you can really get a leg over, try Ballerina. Another hot shower position is to hold her up entirely, shown in Stand & Carry.

When you need to take a break, get down on your knees and try kneeling Missionary, Bended Knee, or some good old Doggy Style. If you want to be able to sit for a while, do the Lotus.

7. Make the Best of What You’ve Got
You may not own the shower you’ve always fantasized about having sex in but, whether it’s big or small, use what you’ve got to your advantage. If you’ve got a tight space with nowhere to sit or rest a leg, you’ll have the most fun with standing positions. Press her against the wall of the shower and penetrate her from behind; the coolness of the shower wall will be an invigorating contrast to the hot action going on behind her.

If her legs are long enough, she can use the walls of the shower to hold herself up as he presses her body against the wall for Face to Face penetration. Wrapping a leg around his hip or leg is also a great way for her to maintain balance during Intercourse. When you need to use a restful pose, throw some towels down on the shower floor and use them to have sex on while you’re on your knees.

For those of you who’ve got a shower seat or a bathtub, enjoy the convenience. Use the seat and ledges to prop up a leg or to brace against; find creative ways to incorporate the bathtub ledge into intercourse. Since you’re not as confined with space, why not try positions like Bulldog and Cowgirl.

Final Thoughts
With all of these great reasons to get dirty while you’re getting clean, why not try getting it on in the shower! Whether you use it to start off a night of fantastic lovemaking, or as a quick way to get off, the shower is an un-sung winner.

5 Tips to Get You Out of a Slump

by Shelly Lomax
When you get into a dating slump, it can be hard to pull yourself out, let alone recognize the tendencies that keep your there. As one gets settled into singlehood, there are many counter-productive habits that develop without you even knowing, and that can wreak havoc on a love live. So before you’re ‘dug too deep’, read our advice on how to deal with the five common traps that singles get themselves caught in.

1. You give up getting out there
Cozying up on the couch with takeout and a movie... it sounds like a perfectly enjoyable evening in. Unfortunately, it cuts down your chances of meeting someone special to, uh, ZERO! When you’re stuck in a dating recession, it’s natural to feel unenthusiastic about having to get social. Nonetheless, it’s important to create opportunities for yourself to meet eligible singles or make new friends (who will know eligible singles) if you ever want to climb out of the slump.

So start by situating yourself where people are at. Maybe the last thing you want to do after a long day is to go out somewhere ‘trendy’ (translation: full of people but noisy, expensive and obnoxious). If that’s the case, pick activities that suit your personality and match your mood: join a gym, read your books at a coffee shop, go out for meals, sign up for a class, etc. The point is you’ll meet likeminded individuals when you position yourself (in public) doing those things yourself.

Dragging yourself out to places must be done with persistence and consistency. Although it hardly guarantees that you’ll by chance meet that special someone, connecting with people and places is the best way to stay out of the lonely slump that keeps you indoors with the curtains drawn.

2. You’re always shopping and never settling
Owing to an overwhelming abundance of consumer products, our generation has become privileged with the ability to easily satisfy all its needs and desires. We’ve been spoiled or, to be more precise, glutted by the longing to be dazzled by the ‘new and improved’; could it be that this attitude has spilled over into our love lives? Have we limited our ability to recognize passing impulses and fleeting sexual desires for what they really are?

There’s nothing wrong with hunting for a worthy match, but if you’re interested in developing a deeper connection with someone, don’t get sidetracked by the pursuit itself. Falling into the trap of being fickle is easier than you think, especially when your motivation in writing someone off is to avoid missing something better. Unless you commit some time into getting to know a potential match, you’ll pass over great opportunities that are prime territory to explore.

3. Over attachment
Let’s turn our attention to the exact opposite of the last dating pitfall. Falling in love with someone can feel blissful and euphoric, but when you find yourself planning the honeymoon by the third date, you’re in danger of a major letdown. In dating, rushing the natural ‘getting to know you’ phase and pinning your hopes and dreams on a person (in any fashion) sets you up for disappointment when they don’t meet your expectations. You also distort your ability to judge your date’s true character, minimizing their flaws and ignoring what you know are ‘deal breakers’. Furthermore, if it doesn’t work out, you experience an exaggerated sense of loss.

It is important to be realistic about the payoff of love when you meet someone new: don’t assume that it’s meant to be, that it’s supposed to be fiery, that your feelings should emerge immediately. If you love to be in love, or you get a thrill just at the thought of love, then relish in its delights by reading romance novels, watching sappy movies, and writing gushy poetry. If you’re still shepherding reasons to support your indulgent habit of unrealistic ‘lovey-doveyiness’, then at the very least avoid projecting your fantasies onto persons whom you barely know.


4. Your Fears and Expectations Interfere With Your Relationships
The fear of being too vulnerable, the thought of not wanting to start over, or the apprehension of being rejected have one thing in common; they’re all in your head. Everyone has heard of social anxiety but ‘intimacy anxiety’ is just as pervasive. If you let your worries, control issues or fear encroach on your behavior with a potential mate, you limit the opportunity for them to get to know you - and you to get to know them.

It is not possible to experience chemistry, spontaneity and fun on a date when you’re too busy analyzing whether what you said was stupid or what they said meant what. Not only that, it’s very noticeable. When you’re sitting at home alone wondering why no one seems to be able to understand and love the real you, it’s because your reluctance has gotten in the way. Fortunately, these phobias are all things that you have the power to manage.

5. You keep yourself stuck in old habits
Sometimes in dating, you have to try things that don’t always come naturally to you. We’re not talking about doing things that are distressing, but rather, embracing a way of being that feels unfamiliar, and likely pushes you out of your comfort zone; maybe it’s learning to openly communicate your needs or practicing new boundaries. Whatever it is, broadening your dating horizons isn’t just about being matter-of-fact about changing things you do, but also about how you do things.

Here’s an example. Let’s say your tendency has always been to sleep with someone very early into the relationship; however, you generally experience disappointment with the lack of intimacy that comes with hastened physical contact, leading you to close yourself off from getting to know the person. Even though it’s a pattern you’ve come to feel familiar with, challenge it, set a minimum “get to know you” period before getting sexual.

Regardless of the outcome, confronting old habits allows you to shed what’s unnecessary and challenges different sides of your personality; you might learn a thing or two about what works for you and what doesn’t. Who knows, maybe you’ll fall for someone that the old you would have thought implausible.

Aphrodisiacs

by Shelly Lomax


In the pursuit of sexual success and fertility, the moon, and everything under it, has been touted as an aphrodisiac by some person or culture. Love potion peddlers stop at nothing to sell their sexual exciters. An aphrodisiac is a food, drink, drug, scent, or device that, promoters claim, can arouse or increase sexual desire, libido, or improve sexual performance.

Named after Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of sexual love and beauty, the list of supposed sexual stimulants includes anchovies and adrenaline, liquorice and lard, scallops and Spanish fly, and hundreds of other items.

The reputed sexual effects of so-called aphrodisiacs are not based in scientific fact, but in ad hoc endeavours to increase sexual potency. To date, there are no scientifically known over-the-counter drugs that actually increase sexual desire or responsiveness.

Countering Cultural Views
Sometimes the reason for an item's legendary reputation is obvious. It's easy to imagine how the sex organs of animals such as goats and rabbits, known for their pro-creativeness, have achieved their esteemed status as love aids in some cultures.

Chillies, curries, and other spicy foods have been viewed as aphrodisiacs because their physiological effects – a raised heart rate and sweating – are similar to the physical reactions experienced during sex. Some foods were glorified as aphrodisiacs based on their rarity and mystery (i.e., chocolate and tomatoes). While chocolate was once considered the ultimate aphrodisiac, the reputation wore off as it became commonly available and is now known to provide the same chemicals to the brain that are released during and after sexual intercourse.

Many ancient peoples reasoned that an object resembling genitalia might possess sexual powers. Ginseng, rhinoceros horn, and oysters are three classical examples.

The word ginseng means "man root," and the plant's reputation as an aphrodisiac probably arises from its marked similarity to the human body. Ginseng has been looked on as an invigorating and rejuvenating agent for centuries in China, Tibet, Korea, Indochina, and India. The root may have a mild stimulant action, like coffee. There have been some experiments reporting a sexual response in animals treated with ginseng, but there is no evidence that ginseng has an effect on human sexuality.

The similarity of the shape of the rhinoceros horn to the penis is credited for its worldwide reputation as a libido enhancer. The horn contains significant amounts of calcium and phosphorus. The addition of the food to a deficient diet could improve general physical vigour and possibly lead to an increased sexual interest. But in the North American diet there is no lack of calcium or phosphorus, and the small quantities consumed from rhinoceros horn would have no effect. Furthermore, it is a black market good because the rhinoceros is an endangered species, for the exact reason that greedy poachers have murdered the rhinoceros for its horn.

Because Aphrodite was born from the sea, many types of seafood have reputations as aphrodisiacs. Oysters are particularly esteemed as sex aids, possibly gaining their reputation at a time when their contribution of zinc to the nutritionally deficient diets of the day could improve overall health and so lead to an increased sex drive.

A Shortage of Studies
There is no proof that ginseng, rhinoceros horn, or oysters have an effect on human sexual reaction. Some big obstacles exist to answering this question. The placebo effect is one scientific stumbling block. The mind is the most potent aphrodisiac there is, and it is very difficult to evaluate something someone is taking because if you tell him or her it's an aphrodisiac, the hope of a certain response might actually lead to an additional sexual reaction that has no relation to the actual chemical being evaluated.

Because the psychological complications are absent in animals, some studies have been done on the effect of certain drugs on animals' sexual activity. One substance that was tested extensively is yohimbine. Obtained from the bark of an African tree, yohimbine has been used for centuries in Africa and West India for its supposed aphrodisiac properties. It supposedly works by stimulating the nerve centres in the spine that control erection. However, animal studies cannot be relied on to show the effectiveness of the drug in humans.

In people, the only available evidence is anecdotal and subjective. To scientifically measure sexual stimulation, a valid human study would have to be performed in the laboratory, comparing a placebo (an inert pill with no active ingredients) to the test aphrodisiac. Preferably, neither the researchers nor the patients would know who was getting the test substance. Because of cultural taboos, few such studies have been undertaken.

A second obstacle to obtaining proof of aphrodisiac effects is that some drugs and alcohol may not actually have specific sexual effects, but may change a person's mood and therefore seem to be an aphrodisiac. For example, alcohol has been called a "social lubricant." People drink for many reasons, including: relaxation, reduced anxiety, boosting self-confidence, and overcoming depression. Because sexual problems can be caused or worsened by psychological stress, moderate drinking might seem like a sexual enhancer. In fact, it merely lessens inhibitions. Alcohol is actually a depressant, and drinking too much actually decreases desire.

Sorry Folks
Despite the lack of scientific evidence of safety and effectiveness, the fraudulent love potion industry thrives to this day. Marketers of purchasable love use a blatant “it-will-work” approach and have no ability to provide facts to back that claim.

Aphrodisiac experimentation isn't just a rip-off – it can be deadly. Spanish fly, or cantharides, is probably the most legendary aphrodisiac – and the most dangerous. Made from dried beetle remains, the reported sexual excitement from Spanish fly comes from the irritation to the uro-genital tract and a resultant rush of blood to the sex organs. But Spanish fly is a poison that burns the mouth and throat and can lead to genitourinary infections, scarring of the urethra, and even death.

To avoid being taken for their money or their lives, individuals with sexual problems should seek a physician's advice. A lack of sexual energy or ability in men or women could be caused by something as simple as stress or a medication one is taking, or as serious as an underlying condition like diabetes or high blood pressure.

A doctor can diagnose a sexual problem and recommend treatment. If necessary, a doctor can prescribe a drug to treat sexual dysfunction. Testosterone replacement therapy is one prescription option for men whose natural testosterone level is not within the normal range, but its serious potential side effects call for a physician's supervision. For those with an impotence problem that isn't caused by low testosterone levels, there are many options available that must be discussed with a qualified physician.

People will continue to have false hopes of finding easy ways of resolving their problems and in today’s society of "quick-fixes" the hunt for the elusive love drug persists. The only aphrodisiac that experts agree upon is that what's good for your overall health is probably good for your sexual health too. A good diet, a regular exercise program, and a healthy mental state are a more dependable path to better sex than are goats' eyes, deer sperm, or prairie oysters.

Dirty Talk - Advanced

by Shelly Lomax
Now that you should hopefully have awakened your partner’s libido, it is time to put on that final touch. Check out our Dirty Talk Basics guide (if you haven't already) first, then read on below to refine and enhance those skills. Keep in mind the basic guidelines; like deep breaths and sounds, your words should also be in sync with the rhythm you have just created. The inhale breath should almost always be heard by your partner and you should speak in the "sexy voice" on the exhale breath. Enunciate all your words to your best degree.

To begin you should focus on these following questions: Which of my partner’s skills or attributes turn me on? How do they make me feel? How am I feeling right now? Dirty talking is mostly concerned with momentous sayings, so you should try to let your instinct carry you. If you feel that your partner is hot, call it as it is: "you are so hot!" If you feel that their touch makes your genitals quiver, say it: "Your touch makes my cock/pussy quiver." If you feel that you are very hard/wet, state it: "I’m so hard/wet right now."

However, a good rule of thumb is to avoid the word "because." You are not writing an essay question. This will avoid sounding dull and it will also add urgency. In a sense, you may be cramming a long portion of a sentence in an exhaling breath so this forces you to say it very quickly, which emphasizes that urge. For example: "You laying there naked makes my cock/pussy hard/wet because I find you to be so irresistible." You may be feeling this, but this is a bit long. Try separating the fragments with breaths. Long inhale, "You lying there naked," quick inhale “Makes my cock/pussy hard/wet" inhale "You’re irresistible." This style sounds more natural than mechanical, which is the intention of good dirty talk.

Another added bonus of separating the sentence is that it allows you to think on the spot. You can simply state something with out wondering whether it’s long enough, or why you feel that way. State the phrase, breathe, and add to it.

To turn up the dirty talking a bit, you should focus on this question: What do I want to happen to my partner or to me? Do not be intimidated. Think about things like foreplay, oral, anal, the use of toys, different positions, being spanked, etc. The answers to this question can be transformed into very naughty phrases. These are all within you, for only you know what you want. Ok, so you can cheat if you really need to: if you draw a complete blank, watching adult films for inspiration is always a possibility. Nevertheless, you should look deep within yourself and bare all your dirty fantasies. (Long inhale) "You just got out of the shower (couple of breaths), I just want to fuck you until you can't walk anymore (inhale), Cum/spray all over you (inhale) ... (quivering exhale/inhale), get you all dirty again."

After letting out some of your wants and desires, you may want to consider adding some more emphasis on certain subjects. One option is to add those initial sounds as previously mentioned. "Uh (inhale), I want to eat out your pussy/suck your dick (inhale), aah." Repetition is used to emphasize the importance of an action. "Pound me! (Long inhale). Come on (quick inhale), pound me! (Inhale), pound me harder!" You can also use adjectives and adverbs. "My nipples want your soft lips to slowly suck them and then bite them hard."

Using singular adjectives or adverbs can also be a relief from always hearing the combination of an adjective before a noun. Make sure to stress the last syllable in the word to create more of an impact. For example, the word "wet" should be pronounced as "wet-te." (Long inhale) "I love it when I/you push my/your cock so far into you/me (inhale), I feel it touching all your/my walls inside (inhale), warm (inhale), wet (inhale), moist (inhale), tight."

To avoid sounding redundant with vocabulary, attempt using metaphors, such as "I want to feel my/your essence leaking out of me." For a more aggressive touch, using cursing can be quite thrilling. Compare “You are such a great lay" to "Holy shit! You are such a great fucking lay!" Other examples are "Fucking bang me harder, bitch/bastard," "Fucking smack my God-damned ass," and "Jesus, it just feels so bloody good that I want to fucking cum all over you." Here you are able to speak louder because these phrases tend to be more aggressive.

Be sensitive to your partner's responses - some people may find it incredibly erotic (in the heat of the moment) to be referred to in an unusual (perhaps even degrading) way, such as a "my little whore" or "my dirty bastard", but others may be very offended. If you sense shock (or feel it yourself), then talk about it afterwards and re-assure each other that it is just 'play'. In any case (as with anything new) start off slowly, monitor the response - and adjust accordingly.

Role-playing can also be considered a section of dirty talk because even though you may be acting, there is massive dialogue. Role-playing basically concentrates on acting on your or your partner’s fantasies. This tends to be more difficult because you need to fully understand your fantasies by knowing the role of both you and your partner. For example, you need to know if your partner ought to be dumb, wild, shy, mean, etc. An easy angle to start with is the dominant and submissive roles. You choose one of these roles while your partner must choose the opposing role or vice versa. The dominant figure tends to be more aggressive in their wants and desires. They must take charge: command and demand. "I am going to handcuff you to the bed, and you better not squeal." "Spread your legs now!" There are two sides of being submissive: the willing and the refusing. As a willing figure, you may decide to either solely perform the actions or perform with the purpose of liking them.

If you are a refusing figure, you may decide to perform the commands while begging for mercy or perform after intense threats. In a case you are finding that your partner is having difficulty taking on the role of a dominant figure, you can then ask defiant questions. "What are you going to do if I refuse to even kiss you, never mind suck your cock / eat out your pussy?" If the dominant partner is still not responding, then you answer the questions. "Will he/she smack me, or pin me down?" Here the submissive partner is offering material that the dominant partner would hopefully be able to work with. There are many situations where dirty talking can be used in role playing: nurse and her not-so-sick patient, the student begging for a better grade, a master and his slave, Cleopatra seducing Caesar, popular cheerleader with the average guy, etc. Remember that the trick to having a great role-playing session is to act out exactly what you crave as long as it is to a safe degree.

It is absolutely necessary to practice dirty talking with a partner that you are comfortable with. This will allow you to say exactly what you are striving for and in the end satisfy your wants and needs. Everyone has the potential of being a great dirty talker as long as you remember to work with your own instincts and try to be as natural as possible. The techniques and tips here are not etched in stone so feel free to add your personal style to them and to focus on your partner's feedback. Please keep in mind that practice makes perfect and that variety is the spice of life.

Advanced Tantric Sex Secrets

There are many different tantric practices that aren’t explicitly sexual; rather, they focus on things like internal energy. During intense arousal or orgasm, a person can reach a mental state that is very still with an effect similar to that of meditation. By extending your lovemaking long enough to stimulate erogenous zones, areas of the body that are most receptive to erotic touch, you bring energy into them, thus generating a highly charged physical response. This is where Advanced Tantric Sex Secrets comes in...

Summary
Advanced Tantric Sex Secrets is an adult educational video that is part of the Loving Sex Series created by the Alexander Institute. It is presented in the form of a very intimate couple’s tantric sex class. The hosts direct the students in the practice of tantric techniques and provide commentary and guidance throughout the show’s duration.

The topic begins with ‘Key Concepts in Tantric Lovemaking' and follows with a thorough analysis of the 3 categories of erogenous zones … primary, secondary and tertiary. Once each group of highly sensitive body parts is explored, they jump to ‘Putting the Practice Together‘, where the couples are given sequences of erogenous zones to excite. ‘Positions for Tantric Sex’ examines two classic female-dominant sexual positions that can rouse incredible erotic energy. The video ends with ‘Concluding Thoughts’, where the couples share their experience of practicing tantric sex.

Presentation (8.5/10)
Mark Michaels and Patricia Dodson, the authors of the book ‘The Essence of Tantric Sensuality’, host the video. Their book is an in-depth examination of Tantric philosophy; it’s was a winner in the Health: Sexuality category of the National Best Books 2007 Awards, as well as a finalist in the Eastern Religions category of the same contest.

The segment of tantric sex principles that that they focus on is specific and instructive enough in order to give a viewer a good set of tools to work with. I often see instructional videos that are too broad and don’t give enough range of skills to practice within a particular category. This presentation did a good job of balancing the right amount of detail to communicate.

Advanced Tantric Sex Secrets is explicit yet tasteful. I say tasteful not because it avoids showing too much; rather it displays a lot of eroticism in the way it pays careful attention to the profound intensity that can be reached. They set aside enough time to clearly demonstrate how to perform each skill – it doesn’t seem like the couple are rushed or uncomfortable and they appear to be very genuine in wanting to please one another.

Content Quality (9/10)
Advanced Tantric Sex Secrets would be well received well by a diverse range of viewers because it combines candid coaching with energetically charged sexual scenes. There is a lot that people can pick up from this production, whether they are clueless or curious, or even already very capable at passionate lovemaking.

An average person would feel confident about trying and even integrating this information into their regular sexual practice. Whether you’re inspired to try stimulating a particular erogenous zone or launch into some of the more complex zone patterns that they include, you’ll certainly walk away from this video with a new sense of awareness and admiration for the level of consciousness that can be reached through sex.

Sex Appeal (8.5/10)
I met up with some girlfriends for some wine and chit chat and decided to bring along some of the adult videos I needed to review. It was so entertaining to hear their diverse opinions but there was one thing that everyone agreed to hands down; this video was by far the hottest one. There we all were, heads cocked to one side murmuring ‘whoa’ and ‘hot’ in fascinated rapture, while our wine glasses drained increasingly quickly.

This video is very realistic and extremely sensual. The couples seem like they are genuinely getting turned on and make sincere efforts to pleasure one another. What really made it sexy was that you got to see their slow sensual progression with each part of the body and you could sense the anticipation build up not only in the actors, but yourself too! You will definitely want to replay and refer back to Advanced Tantric Sex Secrets.

Video Quality (7.5/10)
The video quality is reasonable. The participants are always in the shot and they make use of different camera angles. The filming doesn’t overly favour copulation shots to the actual joining of the couple, which is often the case with many porn movies. You can still see, for example, how the demonstrators perform fellatio on one another, but it is important to include the participants’ responses to the stimulus.

Audio Quality (7/10)
The music is the signature Alexander Institute sound, which is similar to a single guitar, strumming slowly. It was used to transition to different segments and as a background for some of the voiceovers. I love that you could hear the moans and the slight intakes of breath that the actors make because it really adds to the overall sensuality of the presentation. The audio quality was fair but certain scenes sounded a bit tinny; fortunately, it was quite subtle.

Extra Features (5.5/10)
The extra features are the standard ones that are included in the Loving Sex productions: tips from a sex coach, general sexuality information and web links. There are previews available for all of the Loving Sex productions as well as a bonus scene. The bonus feature is a 15 minute scene from “Ultimate Massage”, which features a British lady giving her male partner a genital massage. It seems like it isn’t a very new production and, frankly, is a bit cheesy. However, the scene has good material showing how to lead in from a massage to a hand job.

Overall Score (7.7/10)
This is one of my favorite adult educational videos to date. It’s got the right mix of information, sensuality and impact. Although the extra features and audio/video quality didn’t blow me away, the content and genuineness made up for it many times over.

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