Female Masturbation Guide

by Shelly Lomax of Trimet
Masturbation gives women the opportunity to explore their body while at the same time giving them a high degree of sexual freedom. It allows them the opportunity to experience sexual pleasure without relying on a partner, and to release sexual tension when they feel the need to.

Masturbation can be a very empowering learning tool for women - it teaches them about their bodies, and how it responds to sexual stimulation. Many normal and healthy women only experience Orgasm while masturbating, or find it is their most intense type of orgasm. Masturbation is the first and most important sexual skill a woman should learn, as it holds the key to enjoying other forms of sexual activity. Ideally, this skill is commenced early in life (preferably prior to the age of five), but far too often it is not learned until a woman is in her late teens or early twenties. This stems from the incorrect notion that children are entirely devoid of sexuality and that they must be protected from its 'evils'. Children, especially infants, are incredibly curious individuals who will undoubtedly discover masturbation on their own. A parent, if they discover their child masturbating, should not chastise them for it, but rather, tell them about appropriate private and public behaviour.

However, not all women have negative views of masturbation, nor indeed do all women feel the need to masturbate. The point is that women are increasingly developing more positive attitudes towards masturbation and the pleasure it can bring them. If given the opportunity, women will often discuss their masturbation habits with pride, without the least amount of guilt.

Common Misconceptions
In spite of the sexual revolution, female masturbation is still somewhat taboo. Even though popular songs, movies and television make mention of female masturbation, it is not a common topic of discussion. People are more likely to make mention of Male Masturbation than female. It is a given that males masturbate, but for females, even though it might be commonly accepted that they do it, they are not expected to. If a woman does not know that her peers masturbate and that they presume that she does, she is less likely to do it ... or if she does, she feels guilty for doing so. Since many women do not generally talk about it, it is often presumed that they do not masturbate.

Another common misconception of women is that if they have a partner, they should not feel the need to masturbate. Or if they are single, that masturbating would reinforce their single status; in other words, if they were not single, they would not have to masturbate. So instead of masturbating, some go in search of a partner. This is not the best solution and typically results in unfulfilled desires.

Since masturbation is seen as a "solo" activity, some women with partners do not feel it is appropriate for them to masturbate. If they have a partner, it is believed that their sexual activities with them should fulfil all their sexual needs. While a nice ideal, in real life a lot of women's sexual needs are not met fully by their partner, no matter how good and loving a partner they have. For women with partners, it is important that they understand that it is perfectly healthy and normal for them to masturbate, and they should do so without feeling guilty. For many women the frequency with which they masturbate should not change when they go from being single to having a sexual partner. Some women may find they masturbate even more when they have a partner, as having a partner makes them feel more sexual, and increases their desire for sex and sexual pleasure.

While it is certainly untrue, the majority of people believe that women are less sexual than men. We are led to believe that women think about sex and desire sex much less. Society creates outcasts of women who are openly sexual. This results in women believing they should not have strong sexual feelings and desires. Unfortunately, many women are ashamed to admit they become ‘horny’. This results in women introverting and denying their own sexual feelings and desires. While a woman's desire for sex may change with time as the result of hormonal influences, they are overall just as sexual as men. If a woman accepts that she is equally as sexual as a man, she is more likely to feel comfortable with her desire to masturbate.

Why Masturbate?
The main reason a woman should masturbate is because it feels good. Women with strong sex drives may masturbate frequently, but a woman should not forgo masturbating just because she does not have a strong sex drive. Even if she has no desire for partner sex, she should still enjoy giving herself pleasure. The fact that pre-adolescent girls masturbate proves that hormonally induced sex drives are not the only reason to masturbate; young girls do it for no other reason than it feels good. There is nothing wrong with a woman giving herself pleasure on a daily basis, or as often as she desires. For masturbation to be pleasurable it does not have to end in orgasm. Masturbation may involve nothing more than placing your hands against your vulva when you go to sleep at night, simply because it feels good.

There are times in all relationships when a partner is not available for sex when you desire it, even when they sleep beside you. Couples frequently have different levels of sex drive, and expectations regarding physical intimacy. This is why women frequently masturbate secretively in the shower, or masturbate silently in the early morning hours while their sleeping partner lies beside them. Masturbating when you have a partner is normal and a woman should not feel ashamed for doing so. Most women have probably done it at some point in their relationship. It is often a necessity. Forgoing masturbation and sexual pleasure when you need it simply because you have a partner does harm to you and your relationship, because you will slowly begin to blame them for your sexual frustration. As your sexual frustration grows, so does your frustration with the relationship.

If a woman does not know how to sexually satisfy herself, then how can she expect her partner to know? Learning about her own body, how it responds and then teaching this to her partner is a great way to ensure that she gets the most out of her whole sexual experience. Don’t be shy ladies … share that knowledge and you will never regret it!

Masturbation Techniques
Women and girls masturbate in an endless list of ways. Common methods are, massaging of the clitoris with hands and fingers, rubbing the vulva up against pillows, bed cloths, stuffed animals and furniture, etc. The vagina appears to play a limited role in the masturbation practices of women, but vaginal penetration during masturbation is by no means unusual or uncommon. Some women employ anal and/or nipple stimulation in addition to clitoral and vaginal stimulation.

It is important to understand that there is no "correct" or "right" way to masturbate. Some women feel they should be able to masturbate to orgasm using a different or more correct method because they hear other women do it that way. It is important to keep in mind that each woman's anatomy is slightly different and her psychological makeup is quite different. This results in every woman masturbating differently, even if they use the same basic technique. While some women can masturbate to orgasm employing several different techniques, others find they can reach orgasm only when they use the same method each time. There is nothing wrong with this. Due to conditioning and the differences in women's bodies, learning new techniques for some can be difficult. If you are orgasmic with your current masturbation technique, feel free to experiment, but do not feel you have to reach orgasm in other ways. Remember, masturbation is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, no matter how you do it.

Here are some tips for the beginner - or anyone looking to improve their repertoire:

The Beginner
When you have relaxed your body lie on a bed, or sit in a comfortable chair, and explore your nude or semi-nude body. Run your fingers and hands across your body. Explore your breasts and play with your nipples; caress your legs and thighs. Cup your vulva in your hand and gently rub in small circles. Stimulate your body, but do not try to reach orgasm. Make yourself feel good. If you feel yourself get tense, stop what you are doing, breath deeply and relax. Do this exercise as often as possible, but for no longer than 20 minutes per session. Do not tire or stress yourself out. The point of this exercise is to make you feel good while staying relaxed, not to have an orgasm. You want to feel a little aroused, but at peace - not compelled to go further.

After you become comfortable exploring and touching your body you will want to try more direct means of stimulating your vulva. Slip your fingers between the folds of your vulva and massage and play with your inner labia, perhaps pulling on them lightly or firmly. Slip your fingers up to the top of your vulva and place them on top of your clitoris. Gently move your fingers up and down, around, and perhaps even wildly jiggle them. Make the loose tissue covering your clitoris slide across the body and glans of your clitoris. If you feel a need to be filled, insert a finger or two into your vagina. You want to make yourself feel really good, but you do not want to intentionally try to have an orgasm. If an orgasm occurs, you want it to be a total surprise. If you are thinking about having an orgasm, you need to slow down, relax, and redirect your thoughts. You do not want your brain to know you are about to have an orgasm.

You may not experience orgasm the first few times, so do not try to. Just enjoy the pleasures of touching yourself. If you get to a point where you suddenly find your body is super-tense, you are trying too hard. Try to enjoy yourself, not orgasm. You want to surprise yourself with an orgasm. If you feel yourself on the verge of orgasm, but cannot get there, you are probably trying too hard; you cannot force your body to have an orgasm. The more you concentrate on trying to have an orgasm, the less likely you are to have one.

Clitoral Stimulation
Using your hands and fingers, stimulate (rub, stroke, pinch, etc) the clitoris with one or more fingers or the palm of your hand. Some find direct contact with the clitoris too intense, and prefer stimulation near or around the clitoris. Others prefer to have a layer of clothing or some other fabric between the hand and clitoris. Try it both ways and see what works best for you.

G-Spot Stimulation
Inserting a vibrator or dildo into the vagina can help locate and stimulate your G-spot and offers a feeling of fullness in the vagina. You can locate your G-spot with your fingers, but it's difficult to provide adequate stimulation through manual masturbation. Women who enjoy stimulation of the G-spot usually employ sexual toys to make it easier and more enjoyable.

Vibrators
Vibrators are used primarily for clitoral stimulation, though many women also use them for vaginal or anal stimulation. They also may be combined with other toys and used in any number of positions. A good, discrete alternative to a vibrator for clitoral or anal stimulation is a massage wand. However, massage wands cannot be used for vaginal or anal penetration. To check out a wide selection of sex toys, please see our Sex Toy Reviews.

Common, Everyday Objects
Rub your clitoris against any soft, non-abrasive object (e.g., a pillow, the corner of a couch, etc.) and see if you enjoy the stimulation it provides.

Showers
A detachable shower-head can be quite scintillating for just about any woman. The best shower available is the ones with the versatile control that switches the water from a steady stream to a pulsating jet spray. In hot tubs, avoid sending strong streams of water into the vagina; in extreme cases this can cause fatal air embolism!

Play O (UTOPIA) Orgasmic Gel by Durex
Try Play O ... it is an unscented gel to be applied to the cllitoris and surrounding area. It uses a combination of ingredients designed to stimulate, increase desire and bring intense orgasms. We rated it a 8.5/10! Click here to check out our detailed review.

Conclusion
In closing, there is no right way to masturbate and there is no specific number of times you should do it per week. As long as you feel comfortable with the frequency at which you masturbate and the pleasure it provides you, then keep on doing it. Masturbation is normal and should be pleasurable, so find out what you like the best and then show your partner, if you have one, how they can help please you properly.

What can I do to make my partner more willing to swallow my sperm?

by Shelly Lomax

By making sure it tastes as palatable as possible for her! Every guy has a different taste, which varies according to his diet.

Question:

What can I do to make my partner more willing to swallow my sperm?

Shelly Says:

By making sure it tastes as palatable as possible for her! Every guy has a different taste, which varies according to his diet. In general, sperm is on the salty side, so to sweeten your seed you should eat pineapple, strawberries, melon, celery - and drink lots of pineapple juice.

Reduce your intake of coffee, curry, salt, garlic, cigarettes and alcohol, as these make semen taste bitter and briny - and steer well clear of asparagus and too many dairy products. Also anything that dehydrates you - like antihistamines - won't help, so keep your intake of water as high as possible.

There’s a product called Bodymint (from www.revital.co.uk) which freshens the body from the inside out - so that may be worth a try too! It’s worth noting that semen could have anti-depressant qualities.

Tests have revealed that it contains a neurotransmitter called dopamine, which makes us feel happy, fulfilled and all warm and fuzzy - though this doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll want to swallow it three times a day!

Refreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

Do you have a question for Shelly?

Make Your Own Porn Movie With Female Porn Director Sophie Kinsella

by Shelly Lomax

On this week's Dirty Talk Show we have the extremely gorgeous and multi-talented Sophie Kinsella , female-friendly Porn Director and erotic author, talking about her kinky career and her top tips for how you can make your very own home porn movie!

You can buy Sophie Kinsella DVDs from me.

Shelly: Sophie Kinsella , to begin with, can you give Shelly's readers a brief overview of what your job entails?

Sophie Kinsella : Since 1998 I have been writing, directing and producing porn films with over 185 scenes made to date. My job includes everything from choosing the models, writing the scripts, camera work and overseeing the editing. In the last year I focused on setting up distribution, too.

SL: Why did you decide to get involved with the porn industry?

SK: Because I have always liked sex, because I knew it was important to add to women's understanding of their sexuality and because I am naturally experimental and this type of film allows you that space to experiment.

SL: How did you land your job as a porn director and what was your first job in the industry?

SK: I wrote my dissertation, 'Towards A Better Pornography,' in 1997 at St Martins school Of Art while studying Fine Art, Film and Video. I then tried to make my first feature porn film by myself, but I eventually started making programmes for Television X while working there full-time as an Editor making censor's cuts – ironically!

SL: You're a director of 'female friendly' porn. What exactly does that mean?

SK: It involves camera shoots from a female perspective angle as well as the male; good looking guys; believable/funny scenarios; eye contact; good styling; non degrading roles for women; fantasy or reality type scenarios (I do two types) and humour. I also don't sell films by body types, ie, big-titted women or by acts, ie, all anal because women don't think like that.

SL: Which film would you say is the best example of your work?

SK: There isn't one that's best – some scenes really work, some less so. My personal favourites vary, but I like A& O Department and Sophie Mates a lot.

SL: What tips can you give Shelly's readers about making their own home porn videos?

SK: I've written a whole book on the subject called Erotic Home Video – Make Your Own Erotic Films, which has loads of tips on the subject, but I would mainly say that you should both share using the camera and explore your point of view. Put it on auto, as you wont make a technical masterpiece anyway. Begin the scenario with a narrative, which can start with sneaky peaks outside, and if you're embarrassed try mimicking porn stars to get started and use POV (Point Of View) shots as they evoke real sex and can be very horny.

SL: And how would people get around the problem of not having their own camerman?

SK: You could set it up on a tripod/chest of drawers or use a mirror.

SL: So what is the steamiest sex scene you have ever directed?

SK: There have been many. I shot a girl on girl scene the other day where one of the girl's had never had sex with a girl before, and the other did fisting, was shagged by a foot and a bottle as well as other acts and she was totally keen to do these things. The energy between the two was a one off!

SL: Do you ever get turned on when directing a sex scene?

SK: Yes sometimes, when it's really good, but there's a lot of technical stuff to keep your mind on, too.

SL: Have you ever acted in any porn films yourself? If not, would you consider doing it?

SK: I have made home movies and would maybe consider a cameo one day, but I'm not sure. I'm not really that much of an exhibitionistic.

SL: Have you worked with any major porn celebrities?

SK: Some British stars such as Hannah Hartley, Mckenzie Lee, Alicia Rhodes, Steve Hooper, Tony Di Sergio, Nadia/Pixie and Angel Long, even Portland's own, Ron Jeremy at one time.

SL: Which porn actor/actress would you most love to direct and why?

SK: Belladonna, she is truly talented.

SL: If you could direct a porn film starring a Hollywood celebrity, who would it be and why?

SK: Hollywood doesn't really do it for me, I don't fancy any of them really!

SL: You mentioned earlier that you're involved in the casting process too, so what is the general casting procedure for a porn actor/actress?

SK: Male actors have to send in nude photos with erections and then audition wanking in a film (a bukkake or wanking in the background), and then in the next scene I will try them out on their own. A girl just needs to send in photos.

SL: Finally, what is your favourite sex toy and why is it your favourite?

SK: I can't remember the exact name but I have a Rabbit vibrator that has the Rabbit ears that tickle the bum, too. It makes the whole area between my clit and anus come alive.

See Sophie Kinsella DVDs at LoveBunny.

Adult Twister - Sex Games Series

by Shelly Lomax
Object
My version of Twister is a “get to know ya” game through and through. The aim for players is to maintain their balance (and composure) as they arrange themselves into a quagmire of suggestive poses.

Number of Players
You can take part with as little as two people, but one mat will fit as many as four. When you play at maximum capacity, it does make for a tight squeeze, but this isn’t a bad thing when you experiment with our adult edition. By adding additional mats, you can accommodate multitudes of Twister players...

What You’ll Need
You’ll require quantities of one or more of the original game of Twister. Ask your guests if they own one before you buy extras. If you’re prepared to try Pink Twister, you will also need supplies to modify the spinner board: scissors, pink paper and tape.

Ideal Participants
The most entertaining candidates for twister are those who are playful and physically fit. Oh yeah, they should have a really open mind and be comfortable with nudity (their own and others’). Players must be prepared to contort themselves into provocative positions while being up close and personal with other players.

How to Play
Twister is played on a big plastic mat that’s covered with rows of different colored dots. The mat serves as a game board and peoples’ bodies are the game pieces. Someone spins the Twister spinner and calls out one color and one of four body parts: left hand, right hand, left foot, right foot. Participants must then place their hand or foot onto the corresponding colored dot. Remember, no two people can share the same dot. Just like in the original game, participants are eliminated when they fall, or touch their knee or elbow to the mat. Here are a few adult variations of Twister:

Strip
Based on the same premise as {Strip Poker}, players remove an article of clothing each time they accidentally contact the mat. This is a great way to break the ice and lead up to what’s next on the list...

Nude
As the name clearly implies, nudity is the essence of this adult adaptation of Twister. Not only do players get an eyeful, they get to rub against one another and squeeze themselves into some outrageous poses; it begins to look a lot like they’re practicing what’s in our Sex Positions Guide. Because participants’ genitals will be intimately displayed, advise guests ahead of time so they can groom appropriately. Are you ready to try something even more arousing? Read on...

Pink
Create your own version of a Spinner Board by integrating the color pink into the wheel. This will represent players touching each others’ “pink”, also known as their genitals. You can stick with hands or feet, since it’s already built into the spinner board, but some participants may be averse to being touched by people’s feet; feel free to modify body parts. If your players are very receptive to this version of Twister, use oral commands (instead of body parts) when you land on “pink”, such as: suck, lick, flick and so on.

Rotating Players
We have a final suggestion to keep your Twister party brimming with excitement. Instead of using multiple mats to contain a large number of players, you may want to use the “tag” method. Just like in tag team wrestling, players can, at any point, tag a spectator to take their place; they can do so simply by calling their name. This expands the length of play, so that people don’t get naked too fast. It also keeps onlookers engaged (as if they wouldn’t be already!)

Spicing Up Your Sex Life

by Shelly Lomax

Keeping sex exciting can mean the difference between a good relationship and a mediocre one. But even if you're daring enough to have a late-night quickie on your in-law's kitchen table while they're sleeping, there are only so many ways to have intercourse. That is, unless you get a little kinky.
Many times, fellow office workers and employees come to me who've been together a long time. They've slipped into a rut of only having sex at the same time of day, in the same place, and in the same position. They're bored and want to know what to do about it.

Sometimes a change of venue works. But usually, no matter where they go, they wind up in the same lovemaking routine.

If you and your lover are open-minded and a bit adventurous, kinky sex can can be the ultimate answer for your sexual blahs. The problem is, everyone talks about it, but hardly anyone knows how to do it.

"I got Hank to read `The Story of O' with me one night," my client Elaine, a 31-year-old accountant, told me. "But then, when we got into bed all turned on, we wound up having the same old missionary sex we've been having for the past six years."

Elaine's experience is common. Kinky sex is exciting but bewildering. It's a world of primal fantasies, bizarre costumes, and scary-sounding terms like "B&D" (Bondage and Discipline) and "S&M" (Sadism and Masochism). `The Story of O' doesn't come with a Surgeon General's warning, and no one tells you how far to go or where to begin. Even sophisti- cated lovers find themselves lost.

Here's a short primer on exploring kinky sex.

First of all, it doesn't hurt to look. With your lover, read "More Joy," by Alex Comfort, "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday, or one of Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" novellas. Or just peruse a catalogue of sexual paraphenalia together. If you both get turned on, you're probably ready to try a little kinky sex.

Whatever you try first, remember this: kinky sex is the opposite of normal sex, where you try to be spontaneous and close to your mate "in the moment." In successful kinky sex, you escape the here and now; you fly away on a fantasy or touch a deeply buried desire. Accomplishing this takes a little imagination, a bit of knowhow, and real planning. There's no such thing as spontaneous kinky sex. Without preparations, you can expect a failure, if not a real disaster, the first time you try kinky sex.

Rita, another of our operators, decided with her boyfriend on the spur of the moment to try a little lusty dominance and submission as a change to their usual sex. Trying to improvise, they spent 20 minutes looking for something to tie her up with so he could ravish her helpless body -- their agreed-upon fantasy.

They looked in the laundry and the yard and the garage for clothesline or rope and finally settled on some old belts in the closet. Finally, they got in bed. Playing the role of pirate/abductor, he growled, "Now, I'm going to tie you up and make love to you until you scream for mercy."

Unfortunately, as he was saying his opening line, he was busily wrapping a belt around her ankles. Rita cracked up. "How are you going to ravish me with my feet tied together?" she giggled, which made him feel criticized and turned off.

"I thought I was going to get to live out my rape fantasy in a safe way," she told me later. "Instead, we wound up having a half-hearted quickie just to get to sleep."

Rita's first attempt was a mild failure. Michael's was a disaster. He broke off the key in a pair of cheap handcuffs he had on his fiance and wasn't able to get her out of them until the next morning, when took her half-dressed to an amused locksmith.

Michael's experience is more than an example of what can go wrong in kinky sex without fully-tested props. It also illustrates that the people selling you sex toys can know less about kinky sex than you do.

A real expert at kinky sex would never use metal handcuffs. The whole turn-on in a "bondage" scene is being able to tug at your restraints and feel like you can't get away. No "B&D master" wants to leave his "slave" with bruised or cut wrists; he wants her happy and intact for another session.

The experts use soft leather cuffs which are snugged to your wrists with straps and snapped together with a metal clip, like at the end of a dog's leash. They're totally safe, totally fool-proof, and very professional -- the hallmark of all good kinky sex equipment.

Naturally, you won't want to invest in custom-made leather cuffs just to try a little bondage, so you can experiment very inexpensively by using small leather collars sold in pet stores, plus chrome clips sold in hardware stores.

If you want to try a dildo, you'll need to find a sex shop or order from a catalog such as "Xandria." For everything else, if you don't have a sex store nearby or feel uncomfortable in one, you can get started in a big department store like Sears. You can buy leashes and collars in the pet department, masks in the beauty department, vibrators in small appliances, and ropes and pulleys and hooks and chains in the hardware department.

Deciding what fantasy you want to act out, getting the equipment, and planning the scene together, as a couple, is part of the turn-on of kinky sex. Exotic sex experiments are two-person operations. The "getting ready" leads to anticipation and excitement and breaks through the barriers that keep both of you from imagining and then acting out beyond your usual sexual limits. Exotic sex is never a quickie, which is part of its allure.

Many couples' kinky sex play starts without any equipment at all. Even conservative lovers indulge in light scratching or even biting during orgasm. Light hand-spanking during sex, the mildest form of Sado-masochistic sex play, has been used since antiquity to heighten orgasm.

One of our mini runners also works as a prostitute over on 82nd and has a regular client who is turned on by spanking. "He has to have two women and all he wants to do is spank us," she told me. "It's a little silly, but he gives us each $150 three mornings a week. He puts us over his knee and spanks like crazy. Sometimes it really stings, and I cry, but I always show up next time at 6 a.m. sharp. Maybe it's more than the money," she finally admitted.

Many people enjoy mild pain as a regular part of sex. "I always like my nipples pinched when I come," Gail, a client, told me. "And then that wasn't enough. Charlie and I bought S&M magazines and he began to get more ideas. I discovered I liked to be spanked, tied up, even humiliated. Once, Charlie tied me up, led me around the house on a leash, and made me eat off a plate on the floor.

The kind of things Gail and Charlie do aren't for everyone. They take a special kind of understanding and trust, a sense of adventure and a mutuality of sexual desires.

For almost anything beyond light spanking, it's important to discuss who will be in charge. One of you should be the leader and one the follower, or you can take turns. If you both have different fantasies, decide who gets to act out their fantasy first.

Next, comes actually living your fantasy. Make sure the two of you are alone and won't be disturbed (or disturb others). It's best if you can find privacy at home. If not, think about going away for the experience.

Before you start, tell your partner exactly what you're going to do. This gives your partner a chance to object, and also to anticipate.

For example, tell your partner, "I'm going to tie your hands up high and then I'm going to spank you with my hand until your bottom turns pink. Then I'm going to tickle you all over with feathers while you're helpless." Or, "I'm going to tie you spread-eagled on the bed, blindfold you, and use the vibrator on your body until you beg for mercy."

Then you have to prepare ahead of time for whatever you've promised. Test ahead of time to see if the vibrator cord reaches the wall socket, the wrist cuffs and clips work, and the feathers are within reach. In a bondage and disciple fantasy, the master or mistress must be truly dominant; if he or she has to go searching for an extension cord or fumbling for the feathers, the spell is broken.

Once they get started, most couples find that exotic sex play is so exciting they automatically begin to think of new more exotic improvements for next time.

There's nothing perverted or wrong about experimenting with sex in a loving manner, no matter what you do -- so long as both partners are willing, over 21, and no serious pain is involved or injury of any kind is inflicted. Mild pain is okay, as long as it's during intense sexual arousal when it's experienced as pleasure. That's why "Joy of Sex" recommends immediate release from bondage following orgasm. Since the excited state has ended, bondage could then be experienced as pain.

In almost any kind of kinky sex, but especially in S&M and B&D fantasies, there is one essential step of planning which must never be forgotten: the "code word." For the submissive partner to have his or her fantasy take wing, he or she must be able to shout, "Oh, please no. Stop!" -- and still be unable to escape the delights of their sexual torment. Yet they must be able to instantly communicate if they're feeling real pain or actually need to stop for any reason. That's what a "code word" is for. Discuss this with your partner, pick a word which is unlikely to come up in the planned fantasy, memorize it, and stop immediately if you hear it.

One of the less-obvious dangers of exotic sex is that you get used to having a more exciting, different, fantasy type of sex and find regular romantic sex somehow lacking. For that reason, some couples become involved in kinky sex as a way of life, making a lifestyle of swinging, cross-dressing, S&M and even piercing.

To avoid becoming fixated or needing kinkier and kinkier sex, occasionally devote the same effort you'd invest in an exotic fantasy into an evening of old-fashioned romantic sex. Include flowers, candlelight and sexy foods, forget your fantasies for the evening and concentrate on being close with your real lover.

Since the trickiest part of kinky sex is getting started, here are some guidelines which will help.

Safe And Sane Kinky Sex Rules


1. Talk about what you're going to do ahead of time, and be sure that it turns you both on.



2. Plan ahead, even deciding on special music. Try out your equipment ahead of time. Test everything, and make sure it's in an easy-to-reach place so you don't fumble around in the dark.


3. Don't spend a lot of money trying kinky sex. In the beginning, thick yarn is just as good as ropes or chains, is less scary, and can be just as exciting. Keep a scissors handy to cut the yarn quickly instead of trying to undo stuck knots.


4. Try different roles and different kinds of kinky sex like silks, leathers, feathers, spanking. You don't want to get fixated at one level and never be able to enjoy sex any other way.


5. Never indulge in sado-masochistic or bondage sex play when you're angry with each other or when your relationship is having other problems which could run over into your erotic games.


6. Never leave a bound or gagged person alone, and never block a person's breathing passages.


7. Never cross the line into real pain or hurting. Be sure to agree on a "code word" that means STOP, and always stop instantly when you hear it.

How to Make a Woman Ejaculate - These Tips Will Make Any Woman Chase You Around Like Crazy

By Shelly Lomax

There are generally two kinds of women - those who are sexually introverted and those who can readily squirt their juices without much sweating on your part. If you are stuck with the first kind, consider it some sort of a manly challenge that you need to accomplish.

When you walk up to your girl and mention the word orgasm, chances are you will be met with negative reactions. Some women may have never even heard of such term, and they consider it real rude when men talk to them in that manner. So the challenge here is to turn things around and make her realize that there is more to sex than just the casual humping and grinding.

To get her in tune with her sexuality, you must know how to make a woman ejaculate. This is an experience that she will never forget. If you can bring her to the state of orgasm, then rest assured she'll stay with you through thick and thin.

There is not much difference between peeing and ejaculating when it comes to a woman. This is because both the liquid produced are expelled from the place called the urethra. If this is her first time ejaculating, she might not have that much control over her pubic muscles, making it difficult to hold back her pee.

That's okay. Don't let it bother you. Act as if you're completely enjoying the sight of her urinating right before your eyes. Once she has developed the ability to make sense of what's going on, she will squirt real orgasm juices minus the pee material.

There is still no better way to make her soaking wet, than with the g-spot and clitoris stimulation. These two are key on how to make a woman ejaculate. You should always begin the evening with wild foreplay. To get her pumped, lick her clitoris until she begins moaning and doing crazy facial expressions. With your palms facing upward, stick two fingers inside the entrance and search around for a round object inside which is the g-spot.

Never stop licking while you're groping around for the g-spot. This calls for some multi-tasking skills which you need to learn for successful lovemaking. Keep stroking the g-spot, varying the pressure from time to time until she finally ejaculates under your nose.

A technique to make her clitoris more pronounced is to press gently the space between her pubic hair and navel. She might say that she's about to pee but that's not going to happen. That's just the sensation she feels because of too much excitement. Tell her to simply let go and that you don't mind her "peeing". It is at this point that you will be greeted with a warm gush of water that for her, is an experience like no other.

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My wife has put on weight, which I find unattractive. How can I discuss this without upsetting her?

by Shelly Lomax

You’re right to tread carefully - this is a tricky one. I think you have to be honest with your wife, but you also need to be hugely sensitive.

Question:

Just recently my wife has put on quite a bit of weight and I'm beginning to find myself less and less attracted to her. I love her to bits and don't want it to become a problem between us.

How can I discuss this with her without upsetting her?

Shelly says:

You’re right to tread carefully - this is a tricky one. I think you have to be honest with your wife, but you also need to be hugely sensitive - which from your question I can see that you are. Does the extra weight bother your wife herself?

If she’s depressed about it, then you can offer to support or even join her in a diet/exercise plan to get in shape again. It’ll be much easier for her to lose weight, and far less tempting for her, if you both eat the same foods - and you can help her get fit (and have some fun) by taking walks/bike rides/salsa classes together.

If she’s unaware of the effect it’s having upon you though, then you owe it to her to explain - very gently - how much you love her, but how the extra pounds are putting you off being as intimate with her as you want to be.

Tell her she’s still lovely, but that you don’t think she’s making as much of herself as she could. She then has the opportunity to do something about it - not just to recapture your desire, but for the sake of her health and self-image too.

Refreshingly frank and funny; Trimet employee, Shelly Lomax delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.

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Try a Bit of Bondage

Getting tied up instantly boosts the sexual energy because it brings in the element of vulnerability. "When you're bound, you're completely at the mercy of your partner's urges, which is exciting. Plus, you can focus entirely on being pleasured since you're not able to reciprocate.
Naughty move: Lie on the bed with your hands tied together, and let him devour you. Have him start with a tease by holding his first and second fingers in a V, placing them on either side of your clitoris, and massaging in a scissoring motion. Then he can use side-to-side motions with his tongue to get you really worked up. "A lot of guys go up and down, but that makes for more pressure on such a sensitive spot, which can be too intense," says sex educator Jamye Waxman. "Side to side feels more relaxing and arousing."

Even naughtier move: Have him tie your hands with a scarf and hang them on a hook on his door (the kind you would hang your coat or towel on) before he tantalizes you with oral. Since you'll feel totally like his sex toy, you can add to the arousal of being restrained by begging him to "release" you and let you orgasm. "Playing up that he's in control and responsible for getting you off is a huge turn-on," says Cynthia W. Gentry, author of the forthcoming book What Women Really Want in Bed. He can use his power to either allow you to climax or withhold stimulation for a tortuous minute.

Give Him a Peep Show

Much of arousal is driven by what we see — especially for guys. "Many men love watching a woman get turned on. It lets them know what gets her going and makes them feel like they're doing something illicit by just sitting back and enjoying the show," says sexologist Sari Locker, PhD, author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex. "And it's great for women too. Seeing how a guy reacts to watching you pumps up your desire."

Naughty move: On a night your guy is coming over to hang out, masturbate alone just before you're going to see him, but don't let yourself climax. To bring yourself right to the edge without going over, close your eyes and imagine your guy's lips taking the place of your hand. Squeeze your PC muscles for a count of five as you massage your clitoris, then stop moving. Stay naked until he shows up, and let him see the flush that naturally spreads over your body as you near orgasm. Then describe for him what you've been up to. He'll put together an irresistible mental image of you self-pleasuring that will build his desire so that when you have sex, it'll be an incredible release for you both.

Even naughtier move: Before a date, entice your guy over to your place early, and let him watch you masturbate before you leave for the evening, telling him he can have his turn later. "He'll think it's hot to get this intimate peek, which allows his own arousal to surge," explains Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good. Do it seated in front of a mirror with him behind you so that he has a great view of the action as well as a nice shot of your ass. Start by touching your nipples with one hand and rubbing a thigh with your free one. Then stimulate your lower area, moving your fingers faster and faster as you get turned on. Don't let him interrupt. Instead, tell him you expect him to finish where you left off when you get home.

by Shelly Lomax