Me and my boyfriend have a good sex life but sex only lasts 15 minutes. How long should it last?
by Shelly Lomax
Lots of people ask me if there’s a certain period of time they should spend having sex, with the most quoted figure being 20 minutes.
Question:
I am 26 and my boyfriend is 28. We have good sex but it only really takes about 15 minutes. Is this normal. How long should a sex session last?
Shelly Says:
Lots of people ask me if there’s a certain period of time they should spend having sex, with the most quoted figure being 20 minutes. This one came into its own because of a survey result that said most women take 20 minutes to climax.
Everyone took that to mean 20 minutes of general foreplay but in fact, it meant 20 minutes of direct and consistent clitoral stimulation. So unless the session actually starts with him diving straight for your crown jewel and is over the second you’ve had your orgasm, it doesn’t make sense.
People also missed the crucial words ‘up to’, as in it can take women up to 20 minutes, rather than it always does. But the thing is, lots of women are able to orgasm in two minutes, others may take 40 minutes if not really in the mood. You say the sex you’re having is good, so I’m guessing you’re able to climax quickly. Good for you! Instead of worrying about it, enjoy it!
If you want the session to last longer, try instigating some new positions or techniques or ideas. If you’re short on inspiration, my books are full of ideas.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Since starting the menopause I'm not as horny as I was - is there a female equivalent of Viagra?
Shelly, I haven’t come across any guaranteed pill that does the trick, but there are currently extensive trials into finding a female equivalent to Viagra.
Question:
I love sex but since starting the menopause I no longer get that mid-cycle fantastic horniness that I thrived on.
Are there any tried and tested pills or potions to help get me back that surge/urge! Men have Viagra... what do we have?
Julie Says:
Well, as yet I haven’t come across any surefire, guaranteed pill that does the trick, but the good news is that there are currently extensive trials into finding a female equivalent to Viagra - so watch this space!
In the meantime, you may find ArginMax for Women is a help - it’s a nutritional supplement containing ginseng, gingko biloba, multivitamins and minerals, with a published clinical study to back it up.
Results show that it can increase sexual desire, frequency of orgasm and clitoral sensitivity. It’s available from Nutri Centre outlets (situated in Tesco stores around the country) or via their telephone order line 0800 587 2290. They have an advice line too on 020 7436 5122 - or order online at http://www.nutricentre.com/
There are also several female arousal fluids you could try. They’re generally massaged into the vulva and work by encouraging blood flow to your bits - so it’s hard to think of anything other than getting a good seeing-to as quickly as possible.
Tracey Cox’s Supersex Orgasm Gel, Durex Play-O Orgasm Gel and Flower Power Body Balm Orgasm Enhancer are all excellent and should turbo-charge the tingle down below.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sexual Massage
Welcome to the sexual massage section of sexinfo101.com. Here you will find a variety of articles featuring tips and techniques on how to pleasure your partner's most intimate spots manually... From hand-job to fingering techniques, these guides should help you learn how to play your partner's sexual instruments. For further details see my website at http://www.sexinfo101.com/.
A wonderful internal massage appreciated by men & women alike! Put your inhibitions down as you "boldly go where no (wo)man has gone before!"
Done properly it's a wonderfully sexy & pleasurable experience. Find out how to become an expert & she'll be crooking her finger to invite you in!
It may shock or intrigue you. Either way it's good to be informed. This is an introduction, including tips on how to do it & important safety reminders.
Only a myth to those who haven't found it - an erogenous Mecca capable of transporting her to heaven! Find out how to make her G-Spot a real Hot Spot...
A great massage that can even be (and often is) self-administered! A wealth of techniques described here can turn 'rub & pull' into 'freakin wonderful'.
Woman is man's 'breast' friend, so it's only natural to lube them up too and bring them ALL the way into the action!
Guys, this is not 'gay only' behavior; girls, don't be afraid to explore. Never say 'never' - at least until you've tried it - you could be missing out on a treat!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
How to avoid gagging when giving oral sex
by Shelly Lomax
Dentists have discovered a technique to considerably reduce a patient's gag reflex - and you can use it during oral sex!
If your enjoyment of giving head is marred by a supersensitive gag reflex, you may find the following advice from the Men’s Health Guide to the Best Sex in the World useful. Dentists have to contend with the gag reflex too, and a recent study reported:
“The tooth-torturers gathered the most orally sensitive patients and, using acupuncture or acupressure, stimulated their P-6 regions while simultaneously poking around in their mouths. In the majority of patients the gag reflex diminished considerably.
OK, you ask, where’s the P-6 region? No place too exciting: to find it, put the first three fingers of your hand together and place them, about two thumb widths down, on the inside of her wrist. You press there while she pleasures you, and everybody ought to be happy.”
According to traditional Chinese medicine, this is also a recommended treatment for nerves - which may be an added bonus if his proportions are truly awe-inspiring…
Refreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.
Dentists have discovered a technique to considerably reduce a patient's gag reflex - and you can use it during oral sex!
If your enjoyment of giving head is marred by a supersensitive gag reflex, you may find the following advice from the Men’s Health Guide to the Best Sex in the World useful. Dentists have to contend with the gag reflex too, and a recent study reported:
“The tooth-torturers gathered the most orally sensitive patients and, using acupuncture or acupressure, stimulated their P-6 regions while simultaneously poking around in their mouths. In the majority of patients the gag reflex diminished considerably.
OK, you ask, where’s the P-6 region? No place too exciting: to find it, put the first three fingers of your hand together and place them, about two thumb widths down, on the inside of her wrist. You press there while she pleasures you, and everybody ought to be happy.”
According to traditional Chinese medicine, this is also a recommended treatment for nerves - which may be an added bonus if his proportions are truly awe-inspiring…
Refreshingly frank and funny, actress and presenter Julie Peasgood delivers practical information to transform your sex life. The Greatest Sex Tips in the World explores the world of eroticism, revealing secrets and techniques that will energise and enhance your enjoyment.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Body Alteration
This is the permanent or semi-permanent deliberate alteration of the body for non-medical reasons. This can be for reasons such as spiritual (e.g. self-flagellation), various social (e.g. tribal markings), extreme BDSM or aesthetic.
It can range from socially acceptable decoration (e.g. pierced ears), to the religiously required (e.g. circumcision), to rebellious social statement(e.g. tongue splitting), to corporal punishment.
Controversy arises from the idea of attempting to artificially beautify the natural form of the body, often leading to charges of disfigurement and mutilation. Extreme forms of alteration are occasionally viewed as mental illnesses, or as an expression of unchecked vanity.
Unlicensed surgery performed outside of a medical environment can often be life-threatening, and is illegal in most countries.
Here we will focus primarily on the sexual body alterations most commonly practiced in Western society.
Breast Enlargement
Boob jobs have come a long way in recent years, but are they safe enough for you to consider getting one? Consider the facts first...
Clitoral & Labial Piercings
Genital piercing options for women are more varied than you might imagine. The variety is mind-boggling, so check it out before you check-in!
Jelqing Techniques
Could it be possible to grow your penis size using jelqing (stretching) techniques? Here's the lowdown on the potential and the pitfalls!
Nipple Piercings
Ever wondered what it would be like to take ear-piercing just one step further? Here are the pros & cons of this 'tit'illating erotic option!
Penis Enlargement Pills
Have you ever wondered if there is any truth to the enlargement claims? Here we’ll reveal some of the facts, and some of them may surprise you.
Penis Piercings
Wonder why people do it? Considering it yourself? Learn the gritty details and get the real scoop on what this exotic choice is all about.
Tongue Piercings
Many people consider tongue piercing to be oral art. Read on to decide whether the 'oral' benefits outweigh its risks.
by Shelly Lomax
It can range from socially acceptable decoration (e.g. pierced ears), to the religiously required (e.g. circumcision), to rebellious social statement(e.g. tongue splitting), to corporal punishment.
Controversy arises from the idea of attempting to artificially beautify the natural form of the body, often leading to charges of disfigurement and mutilation. Extreme forms of alteration are occasionally viewed as mental illnesses, or as an expression of unchecked vanity.
Unlicensed surgery performed outside of a medical environment can often be life-threatening, and is illegal in most countries.
Here we will focus primarily on the sexual body alterations most commonly practiced in Western society.
Breast Enlargement
Boob jobs have come a long way in recent years, but are they safe enough for you to consider getting one? Consider the facts first...Clitoral & Labial Piercings
Jelqing Techniques
Nipple Piercings
Penis Enlargement Pills
Penis Piercings
Tongue Piercings
by Shelly Lomax
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
What if You Get Off First?
Every guy has had the unfortunate incident where he had his orgasm before his girlfriend had hers. It can be a very frustrating experience for both people involved, but it doesn’t have to be. There are plenty of ways to please your partner without using your erect penis. There are lots of things you can do with your hands, mouth, or toys. Think of it as naughtier foreplay.
Oral sex is a great way to finish the job! When you perform cunnilingus on her, use your mouth and your hands- This will maximize her pleasure. Listen to the sounds she makes while you are doing it, that will let you know what she likes. Penetrate her with your fingers while you use your tongue to stimulate her clitoris.
Another way to get her off is to use sex toys such as a dildo or a vibrator. You can get creative with this one, because if you have multiple toys, you can use more than one at the same time. All the while, you can still give her head or stimulate her many other erogenous zones.
If your girlfriend is into watching adult videos, then turn one on for her, because it will heighten her state of arousal and increase her chances of achieving an orgasm. If you and your girlfriend have not included adult videos into your sex lives, then see my post below about how to get her to watch them with you. They would be a fantastic addition to your sex lives! If she’s not into watching those types of videos, then try talking dirty to her while doing some [or all] of the above suggestions. Good luck!
Oral sex is a great way to finish the job! When you perform cunnilingus on her, use your mouth and your hands- This will maximize her pleasure. Listen to the sounds she makes while you are doing it, that will let you know what she likes. Penetrate her with your fingers while you use your tongue to stimulate her clitoris.
Another way to get her off is to use sex toys such as a dildo or a vibrator. You can get creative with this one, because if you have multiple toys, you can use more than one at the same time. All the while, you can still give her head or stimulate her many other erogenous zones.
If your girlfriend is into watching adult videos, then turn one on for her, because it will heighten her state of arousal and increase her chances of achieving an orgasm. If you and your girlfriend have not included adult videos into your sex lives, then see my post below about how to get her to watch them with you. They would be a fantastic addition to your sex lives! If she’s not into watching those types of videos, then try talking dirty to her while doing some [or all] of the above suggestions. Good luck!
Monday, December 14, 2009
How to look after and clean your Fleshlight sex toy
A little tender loving care will go a long way to ensuring your Fleshlight male sex toy will give you a life-time of enjoyment.
After use, remove the gel Fleshlight insert from the plastic canister and run hot tap water through it to remove fluid deposits.
Towel-dry or air-dry the gel insert.
The gel insert will feel tacky or sticky after washing - this is normal.
To restore the original silky feeling of the insert, powder it with corn starch. Powdering it is not necessary to care for the insert.
To properly re-position the gel insert inside the plastic canister, reach through the small end of the canister and pull the insert down into place.
More information about Fleshlight cleaning
Using soap or detergents to clean your gel insert will deteriorate the surface of the gel insert, resulting in a tackier feel.
Some people have asked if there could be a coating on the gel insert to lessen the tackiness. Unfortunately, the coatings that are currently available are toxic and may cause rashes.
The Fleshlight makers consider customers' health and well-being first, and will not use any substance that is not considered safe in every way.
They are constantly working to improve our products. Once a safe coating is available to us, we will make it available to our customers as well.
The Fleshlight male sex toy was designed by the manufacturer for single-person use only. Do not share!
We accept no responsibility for improper or multiple-partner use of Fleshlight products.
5 Common Fellatio Mistakes
by Shellly Lomax
Introduction
A great blowjob is an erotic technique that you can use to make any man melt. You can really set the tone of a sexual encounter by the manner in which you give one. It can be an amazing form of Foreplay, and it is highly rewarding if you throw a 69 Positions into the mix. But is it possible that you’re making fatal Fellatio errors without even knowing it? Read on to see if you’re committing any of these classic blowjob blunders, and learn the tips to make them right.
1. You’re a Teeth Grazer with a Death Grip
Rather than moans of pleasure, he conveys muffled groans of pain. If you think you’re doing him a favor by giving him extra stimulation, think again; he may be wincing at the thought of the next painful stroke. A good blowjob involves finesse, and that requires you to stay in tune with your partner’s response to your touch. Clumsiness should also be avoided at all costs, especially where there’s teeth involved.
You can give him the sensation of a firm teeth grip ONLY if you do it with caution as well as his consent. Don’t assume that he likes it rough during oral sex unless he’s made it explicitly clear. Even then, give your man a warm up before you carry on to rougher play.
2. Your Blowjobs are Boring
One of the keys to extraordinary fellatio is to create novelty in your technique, which is something you both will find great pleasure in. Here are some ideas...
a) Vary the sensation by using your mouth rim, tongue, lips, fingers, hands and breasts – individually or in combinations.
b) Men are visual creatures, so why not give him a show he won’t forget? This includes touching yourself as you play with him, changing the position so that he gets a different viewing angle, or watching him as you glide your mouth and tongue over his penis and testicles.
c) Adjust the tempo and the intensity of the blowjob. Hard and fast, slow n’ hard, fast and light … you get the idea.
d) Make sure to give your mouth a break if it feels cramped. In the meantime, try rubbing your lips up and down his shaft while holding his balls in your hand. Alternatively, rub or smack his penis (gently!) against the tips of your nipples, tongue and lips.
3. You Don’t Ask for Feedback
Some women assume that a blowjob in and of itself feels good to a guy; so, they do it a certain way without considering whether it’s actually satisfactory or not. When it comes to Oral Sex, it makes the situation so much easier when you ask you sexual partner for a thumbs up or a thumbs down. If it’s not delivered exactly right, them having to approach you about it can be awkward, or make either of you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.
You can learn what his hot buttons are by trial and error, but it’s a lot easier if you just ask him, or getting him to Masturbate in front of you. Another option is to get him to lend you a hand; he can guide your movements and illustrate the rhythm and motion that will drive him wild with desire. Take the guesswork out of it; taking an active role in pursuing his pleasure will nurture a freer sexual relationship and is a great way to lead by example.
4. You Treat a Blowjob like a Chore
Some women feel like it’s a task to love their man’s member. Her neck gets sore, it makes her feel like gagging, he takes too long to come, you don’t get anything in return - or, he asks for it so much that it feels like an obligation.
Whatever the case may be, a blowjob laced with resentment doesn’t bode well for either party. Although fellatio requires some skill, it also involves having the right frame of mind; if you’re just going through the motions, there’s a good chance he’ll notice.
Just because you start a blowjob doesn’t mean that you have to finish it. Try performing fellatio as a lead-in to full-blown sex … or as a little teaser that tempts your sexual partner into taking you right then and there. It can also be a way to lubricate his shaft prior to penetration. Many who perform this act of oral pleasure do get turned on by it, so explore the possibility of becoming aroused by it.
5. You Keep Your Hands to Yourself
Although your mouth is your most useful asset for a blowjob, don’t forget what you can achieve by using your hands. Teasing the rest of his body will create major anticipation and appreciation. Use your hands to caress his nipples, legs, buttocks and pubic area, or set them to work on his testicles as you lick and suck his penis. Alternatively, what better way is there to turn him on than by having him watch you pleasure yourself as you go down on him?
Combining oral with manual stimulation is a great way to enhance intensity and increase variety. Try alternating oral and manual stimulation. Or, integrate your hands into the act of a blowjob by wrapping one or both of them around the penis. Alternatively, join your thumb to your index (or middle) finger – this will look like the “OK” hand gesture. As you enclose the tip of his penis with your lips, keep it close to your mouth; as you slide his shaft deeper into your mouth, your “OK” not only creates added stimulation, it can be used to continue down the length of the penis that your mouth doesn’t cover orally.
Final Thoughts
It pays to learn the secrets that will send him over the brink of ecstasy. When it comes to giving pleasure, use your assets and give your man the respect and attention you’d desire to receive yourself. Don’t forget to check out Sex Info’s guide to Fellatio Positions to get your creative juices flowing.
Introduction
A great blowjob is an erotic technique that you can use to make any man melt. You can really set the tone of a sexual encounter by the manner in which you give one. It can be an amazing form of Foreplay, and it is highly rewarding if you throw a 69 Positions into the mix. But is it possible that you’re making fatal Fellatio errors without even knowing it? Read on to see if you’re committing any of these classic blowjob blunders, and learn the tips to make them right.
1. You’re a Teeth Grazer with a Death Grip
Rather than moans of pleasure, he conveys muffled groans of pain. If you think you’re doing him a favor by giving him extra stimulation, think again; he may be wincing at the thought of the next painful stroke. A good blowjob involves finesse, and that requires you to stay in tune with your partner’s response to your touch. Clumsiness should also be avoided at all costs, especially where there’s teeth involved.
You can give him the sensation of a firm teeth grip ONLY if you do it with caution as well as his consent. Don’t assume that he likes it rough during oral sex unless he’s made it explicitly clear. Even then, give your man a warm up before you carry on to rougher play.
2. Your Blowjobs are Boring
One of the keys to extraordinary fellatio is to create novelty in your technique, which is something you both will find great pleasure in. Here are some ideas...
a) Vary the sensation by using your mouth rim, tongue, lips, fingers, hands and breasts – individually or in combinations.
b) Men are visual creatures, so why not give him a show he won’t forget? This includes touching yourself as you play with him, changing the position so that he gets a different viewing angle, or watching him as you glide your mouth and tongue over his penis and testicles.
c) Adjust the tempo and the intensity of the blowjob. Hard and fast, slow n’ hard, fast and light … you get the idea.
d) Make sure to give your mouth a break if it feels cramped. In the meantime, try rubbing your lips up and down his shaft while holding his balls in your hand. Alternatively, rub or smack his penis (gently!) against the tips of your nipples, tongue and lips.
3. You Don’t Ask for Feedback
Some women assume that a blowjob in and of itself feels good to a guy; so, they do it a certain way without considering whether it’s actually satisfactory or not. When it comes to Oral Sex, it makes the situation so much easier when you ask you sexual partner for a thumbs up or a thumbs down. If it’s not delivered exactly right, them having to approach you about it can be awkward, or make either of you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.
You can learn what his hot buttons are by trial and error, but it’s a lot easier if you just ask him, or getting him to Masturbate in front of you. Another option is to get him to lend you a hand; he can guide your movements and illustrate the rhythm and motion that will drive him wild with desire. Take the guesswork out of it; taking an active role in pursuing his pleasure will nurture a freer sexual relationship and is a great way to lead by example.
4. You Treat a Blowjob like a Chore
Some women feel like it’s a task to love their man’s member. Her neck gets sore, it makes her feel like gagging, he takes too long to come, you don’t get anything in return - or, he asks for it so much that it feels like an obligation.
Whatever the case may be, a blowjob laced with resentment doesn’t bode well for either party. Although fellatio requires some skill, it also involves having the right frame of mind; if you’re just going through the motions, there’s a good chance he’ll notice.
Just because you start a blowjob doesn’t mean that you have to finish it. Try performing fellatio as a lead-in to full-blown sex … or as a little teaser that tempts your sexual partner into taking you right then and there. It can also be a way to lubricate his shaft prior to penetration. Many who perform this act of oral pleasure do get turned on by it, so explore the possibility of becoming aroused by it.
5. You Keep Your Hands to Yourself
Although your mouth is your most useful asset for a blowjob, don’t forget what you can achieve by using your hands. Teasing the rest of his body will create major anticipation and appreciation. Use your hands to caress his nipples, legs, buttocks and pubic area, or set them to work on his testicles as you lick and suck his penis. Alternatively, what better way is there to turn him on than by having him watch you pleasure yourself as you go down on him?
Combining oral with manual stimulation is a great way to enhance intensity and increase variety. Try alternating oral and manual stimulation. Or, integrate your hands into the act of a blowjob by wrapping one or both of them around the penis. Alternatively, join your thumb to your index (or middle) finger – this will look like the “OK” hand gesture. As you enclose the tip of his penis with your lips, keep it close to your mouth; as you slide his shaft deeper into your mouth, your “OK” not only creates added stimulation, it can be used to continue down the length of the penis that your mouth doesn’t cover orally.
Final Thoughts
It pays to learn the secrets that will send him over the brink of ecstasy. When it comes to giving pleasure, use your assets and give your man the respect and attention you’d desire to receive yourself. Don’t forget to check out Sex Info’s guide to Fellatio Positions to get your creative juices flowing.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Orgasm
The Orgasm is the ultimate, though not the only, goal of great sex. Here we look at the facts and myths about attaining that sometimes elusive 'O' and examine some tip and tricks for reaching that high spot more often than not.
We also take a look at some of the biology related to Orgasm, such as Kegel Exercises and Sperm production. For more information on these subjects go to my new website at http://www.sexinfo101/
and click on orgasms.
An urban myth, or the prize of the lucky few? Here we examine the 'ifs', the 'hows' and the 'whys' of the ultimate in Wet Looks!
Not every female can reach orgasm, but many more could if they relaxed and took the time and effort to explore their body to see what works for them!
Internal organ health for men & women ... the basics to maintain & protect those areas vital to sexual (& general) health & well-being.
Sometimes a 'quickie' is all that's wanted or needed. But if you desire an occasional marathon, but wonder how to make it last, here's how...
Ever wondered about the mechanics of ejaculation? Are orgasm & ejaculation the same thing? What are 'wet dreams'? Find out here...
Friday, December 11, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Top 10 reasons you wanted to be Sperm Testers
by Shelly Lomax
With more than 2,500 applications, we had to have some way of choosing the right couples, so we asked potential Sperm Testers why they thought they'd make good test subjects for our suck-it-and-see trial.
We receieved a mind-boggling selection of responses from eager couples, many of which gave a startling insight into their relationships. You can just imagine the pillow talk...
1 "We've dyed his pubic hair, made a cock mould and put Space Dust inside me."
2 "After gobbling the same goo for 13 years, I'd definitely notice any difference in taste."
3 "My partner is a smoker and I would appreciate anything that would change the bitter taste in his fluids."
4 "I love to cum on her face and drink it after."
5 "We love to make each other sponk by mouth, tongue, WHAHEY"
6 "They don't call me the Wacky Cum Swallower for nothing!"
7 "We are both fussy eaters trying to get our five a day fruit and veg :)!!!!"
8 "Jon can cum for England (he is very generous with his 'load')"
9 "Pam is in the middle of changing her pill and can't have intercourse for the next month. The only sexual fun we are going to have is oral."
10 "I know how Stephen's semen tastes better than my own saliva. I'd notice any differences."
With more than 2,500 applications, we had to have some way of choosing the right couples, so we asked potential Sperm Testers why they thought they'd make good test subjects for our suck-it-and-see trial.
We receieved a mind-boggling selection of responses from eager couples, many of which gave a startling insight into their relationships. You can just imagine the pillow talk...
1 "We've dyed his pubic hair, made a cock mould and put Space Dust inside me."
2 "After gobbling the same goo for 13 years, I'd definitely notice any difference in taste."
3 "My partner is a smoker and I would appreciate anything that would change the bitter taste in his fluids."
4 "I love to cum on her face and drink it after."
5 "We love to make each other sponk by mouth, tongue, WHAHEY"
6 "They don't call me the Wacky Cum Swallower for nothing!"
7 "We are both fussy eaters trying to get our five a day fruit and veg :)!!!!"
8 "Jon can cum for England (he is very generous with his 'load')"
9 "Pam is in the middle of changing her pill and can't have intercourse for the next month. The only sexual fun we are going to have is oral."
10 "I know how Stephen's semen tastes better than my own saliva. I'd notice any differences."
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Five easy steps to first-time anal sex
Loads of people secretly want to try anal sex, but even in this 'modern' age where people are becoming more open to erotic experimentation, anal sex still carries a taboo.
Yes there is a health risk if you don't use protection and yes there is a pain issue if you don't prepare yourself properly for penetration, but by following the five easy steps below your first approach to anal sex can be one of the most fulfilling sexual experiences you've ever had. So here's how to do it...
Step 1
Get clean! It goes without saying that if you're sexually stimulating an area that's usually devoted to daily ablutions, you will need to ensure that your anus is squeaky clean. Have a relaxing bath before hand and thoroughly clean the area.
If you're conscious about your lover seeing your anus in full for the first time, why not gently shave or wax the skin between your butt cheeks to make sure they're porn-flick worthy? You'll be surprised how much more relaxed and confident this will make you.
Step 2
Use lube! Don't even think about attempting any form of anal activity without using some form of lubricant. There's a raft of great lubes available for you to buy, but until you're ready to start experimenting with different types (heated, cooling, etc) you should stick with a specially formulated anal lubricant.
Try Aquaglide's Anal Lubricant , Astroglide Anal Shooters Lubricant or Anal Ease Anal Desensitising Cream , each of which are compatible for use with condoms, which is essential for any kind of anal penetration. Step 3
Start small! If this is your first time trying anal sex, it makes sense to start off by using your lover's fingers to familiarize your anus with the feeling of penetration. You lover should start off with the tip of one finger, then slowly and gently work their finger in until the knuckle is submerged.
You should continue to do this with up to three fingers, but only if you're still feeling comfortable and pleasured. Don't forget to use lube on each finger you insert.
Step 4
Take it slow! OK, so your lover has been penetrating you with his fingers and you're loving it. Now comes the penis bit: make sure your lover's penis is well lubed and protected with a condom. Next, lie either on your tummy with a cushion underneath your pelvic bone or lie on your side.
Take one of your hands and use your fingers to pull your butt cheeks gently apart. This will help guide your lover into your anus without too much 'prodding,' making it a lot easier for both of you. Your lover should begin by slowly and gently inserting the tip of his penis into your anus. Remember that this will feel marginally painful because it is your first time (just like with first-time penetrative sex), but it will get easier. However, if you're in a great deal of pain or feel uncomfortable then ask your lover to stop immediately.
Once your lover has inserted the tip of his penis, ask him to gently penetrate your anus further but at a gentle pace that you feel comfortable with. Continue like this until your lover's penis is fully submerged and until you both orgasm. Some people don't experience an orgasm when trying anal sex for the first time, but the more you and your lover try anal sex the better it will get.
Step 5
After each time you've finished having sex, make sure that you thoroughly clean your anus. If you're experiencing soreness after anal sex, soak in a gorgeous warm bath and wear breathable cotton panties to bed.
by Shelly Lomax
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sex in Public - Without Getting Caught!
by Shelly Lomax
It's all about the situation: he's immune to seeing you naked pre-bedtime, but a flash of thigh by the roadside is unexpectedly voyeuristic. Learn how to have sex outside the confines of your home, without being arrested for indecent exposure!
The secret to loving lustily in the long term is to surprise each other sexually. Take sex outside of the bedroom and passion is instantly renewed. But although sex on the hood of the car, in the back of the bus, or on the MAX might seem raw and unromantic when you've a big, soft bed to roll around in contrast is key.
Standing positions are better for high-risk outdoors sex as you can easily extricate yourselves from the situation and make a run for it! Stand with your back to him, bend over and grab your legs or the nearest available surface. With him slipping his trousers down just a tad and you lifting your skirt, he can penetrate you and stimulate that nerve-packed God-that-feels-good front vaginal wall.
Sex in the midst's of nature is fun as you don't have to think about long term comfort. Fields, hedgerows, bushes and forests can be amazing locations but are not for the shy and retiring. If you're worried about being exposed, find a barn on a quiet farm and enjoy the shelter from the elements and prying eyes.
Choose your time carefully. Waking your partner up in the middle of the night, the day before an important business meeting is not going to end well. Wait for the weekend and take short naps throughout the day to build up your energy for later. Remember - early mornings are great for urban escapades as the streets are deserted but farmers get up at the crack of dawn to start work so avoid fields and country lanes between 3 and 7am!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
5 Tips To A Better First Time
Written by Shelly Lomax
I can remember the first time I had sex. I lost my virginity at a pretty late age, so when it finally happened I was REALLY looking forward to it. A girl who I worked with invited me over to her house one day, with the implication that we’d have sex. And I was really into this girl ... I thought she was “the one”.
She was an athletic blonde with an amazing personality. On our first few dates we really clicked ... I could see myself being with this girl for a long time. So when we were at her house and the clothes started to come off, you can imagine how excited I was. My body started to shake with anticipation, and my palms began sweating. I started stimulating her with my fingers, and I could feel her getting wet for me.
Then the time for intercourse came ... and something horrible happened. I couldn’t get an erection! After literally YEARS of anticipating this day, and months of sleepless nights fantasizing about this girl, my body couldn’t perform. It was humiliating.
I spent the better part of an hour trying to achieve an erection. And I finally did ... but then when we started having sex, I ejaculated in what was likely under a minute. With a look of thinly concealed disappointment on her face, she hustled me out shortly afterward. And no matter how many times I tried to contact her, she never returned my calls or emails after that.
Your First Time Shouldn’t Be Like This!
Now if you haven’t had sex before, I don’t mean to scare you with this story. When I lost my virginity it was a bad experience because I came in totally unprepared, and had too much pride to be honest. Nobody ever taught me how to have sex for the first time – so naturally I screwed everything up.
But fortunately for you, I know from my personal experience, and that of many of my clients, that men are prone to making five common mistakes when they lose their virginity. All you have to do to have a great first sexual experience is to simply avoid these five mistakes.
#1 – TELL HER that it’s your first time
One mistake I made my first time was that I implied I had lots of sexual experience, and didn’t tell her that it was going to be my first time. And lots of other guys do this as well – because they want to look cool, and don’t want to admit they’ve never had sex before.
This is a big mistake because if you’ve never had sex before, you’re going to be a little clumsy your first time as you learn how her body works. Now if you tell her that it’s your first time, this isn’t a bad thing. She’ll be expecting that you’ll be learning how to please her, and that sex will only get better afterward. As well, you’ll be more comfortable, so you’re less likely to suffer from anxiety attacks!
#2 – Practice putting on a condom
In sex ed, they always teach you to be safe and use a condom when you have sex. And so you should ... but what they don’t tell you is that NOT ALL CONDOMS ARE THE SAME. If you’re using the wrong condom, it can lead to a lot of problems. It could be so tight that you lose your erection since you don’t feel any pleasure. Or it might not be tight enough; so it will slip off during sex, and you’ll be having unprotected sex without even realizing it.
The right condom will make sex feel MUCH better though. You won’t have to worry about safety issues, and the right fit will make the sensations of sex much more pleasurable.
A good way to figure it out is by checking out variety packs at online sex toy stores. These are basically boxes of 'loose' condoms of different brands. They’re great to find out which condom you like, because you can try a lot of different brands without investing in a brand that isn’t ideal.
#3 – Strong Communication
Another big mistake guys losing their virginity make, is that they’re too proud, or afraid, to ask her what she likes during sex. I know I was ... but once I learned how to find out what women liked, giving women orgasms became much easier.
When I teach this in seminars, guys will sometimes ask me, “But won’t she be turned off if you’re asking what to do in bed? Don’t women want to dominant man?” Yes, they do ... but being sexually dominant doesn’t mean just plowing forward blindly not caring about her pleasure. If you ask in the WRONG way or too much, it will be annoying and turn her off .... but if you ask in the RIGHT way, she’ll appreciate it and it’ll allow you to give her much more pleasure.
For example, when you’re stimulating her with your fingers you could look into her eyes and ask, “How does that feel, baby?”
This will allow her to moan, “Ohhh ... amazing” in return. And if it’s not quite right, she can say, “A little to the left ... ohhh, now that’s amazing”. This way, even if she wants you to change something it doesn’t disrupt the flow of sexual pleasure for her.
#4 – Forget about trying to be amazing, just focus on being relaxed
If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably deluged yourself in information about sex in anticipation for the 'big day'. I know that I read at least five ebooks and countless articles on the internet learning lots of complicated techniques to give her orgasms. My rationale ... maybe I wasn’t as experienced as the other guys, but I’d make up for it by knowing lots of complex sex tricks which other guys didn’t know.
Later, I’d find out this type of thinking was completely wrong.
The first time you have sex, you are going to be understandably full of nervous excitement. But in order to really enjoy sex, the first thing you have to do is to learn to RELAX.
A lack of relaxation can lead to all kinds of problems. Most men cum too quickly when they’re nervous, but some will not be able to get an erection at all. And women also need to be relaxed during sex to enjoy the pleasure – if you’re feeling a little nervous, she probably won’t have an orgasm since she won’t be fully comfortable.
And if you’re trying to use all kinds of crazy sex techniques your first time, it actually makes your nervous excitement WORSE. You’ll have to think of a dozen different things that you’ve never done before, and this will just make you more hyper-minded. So your first time I recommend that you don’t use any 'techniques' or 'moves'. Just focus on relaxing, and doing what comes natural. Once you learn how to do this, THEN you can start using my more advanced stuff like Dominance, Emotion, and Variety.
#5 – Count on sex getting BETTER
For some reason, we’ve all been lead to believe that our first time will be a magical, once-in-a-lifetime experience of incomparable pleasure that we’ll remember forever. But when that unrealistic expectation bumps up against reality, it can often lead to disappointment or feelings of inadequacy.
Now if you avoid the four mistakes I mentioned above, there is no reason why your first time can’t be a very good experience. It’ll give you a solid start in your journey to achieve a great sex life. But I’ve coached a lot of men, and even those who had a good experience losing their virginity all say the same thing - it only gets BETTER after your first time.
This is because after a while, that nervous excitement will go away and you’ll be able to relax and enjoy the pleasure more. You’ll also become more familiar with the female body, and you can start using more advanced techniques to give her orgasms. And as the two of you have sex more and more often, she’ll also learn more ways to please you.
This is why I always say that sex only gets better over time, not worse. If your first time wasn’t the magical experience you expected, don’t worry. There will be lots of magical sexual experiences in store for you in the years to come.
-Shelly Lomax
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Shelly's Top 20 sexy phrases to help you talk dirty in bed
1 This is going to be the filthiest night of your life.
2 I'm dripping wet and gagging for you.
3 Fuck me now!
4 You look really sexy when you do that...
5 You can have me any way you want.
6 I'm your sex slave for the evening.
7 I'm naked and I'm touching myself...
8 You make me so horny.
9 I want you to touch me here...
10 It drives me wild when you look at me like that .
11 Put your big, hard cock in my mouth.
12 Get the camera!
13 I'm gonna lick you until you scream.
14 Tie me up and touch me slowly.
15 You taste so good.
16 I want to rub my pussy all over your face.
17 Pound me into oblivion.
18 Fuck me like a porn star.
19 Spray your juice all over my tits.
20 No-one has ever made me come as hard as you.
Friday, December 4, 2009
I can't orgasm during sex, although I can solo but only if my legs are straight. What should I do?
You've trained your brain and body to only recognize one specific route to orgasm – and it's not couple friendly!
Question:
I have never ever had an orgasm during sex. And I have never had one by myself unless my legs are poker straight.
Even if they are a little bent, nothing! I started masturbating when I was younger and got into the habit of having my legs straight, and ever since then find it difficult to find a sexual position where this works. What should I do?
Shelly Says:
You’ve trained your brain and your body to only recognize one specific route to orgasm – and it’s not a terribly couple friendly one! The good news is, this is relatively easy to fix by simply retraining your body to orgasm through a different style.
This is easiest to do through solo sex. I’m not sure if you used your fingers or a vibrator when masturbating before but if you haven’t got a vibe, invest in one. The reason why is using a vibrator offers the quickest, easiest and most effective way for you to climax. Hold it against the clitoral area and see how it feels. Have an orgasm with the vibe with your legs straight. Then each time after that, start bending your legs just a little.
Vibrator orgasms are pretty much guaranteed, so it shouldn’t take long to move from completely straight legs to legs that are bent at the knee. Once you’ve broken the psychological fixation, it’s then a matter of ditching the vibe (yes you must!) and going through the same process using your fingers.
Then you need to teach your partner how to replicate what you do to orgasm, so he can do the same during sex with you. It sounds like it’s going to take forever, but if you masturbated every single day and didn’t cheat, I’d expect you to be ‘cured’ in between two weeks to a month.
Having said all this, remember that penetration alone is unlikely to result in an orgasm, straight legs or not. The best way to guarantee this to happen is for him (or you) to use fingers or hold a vibe on the clitoris during intercourse.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
I'm a virgin and my friends think a vibrator could help loosen me up. What do you think?
I think the best way to prepare for your first time is by educating yourself about your body rather than ‘loosening up’.
Question:
I am the only virgin in my group of friends. We are all in our 20s. I guess I just haven't found the right guy yet but I don't want to be unprepared when I do.
My friends suggested getting a vibrator to loosen me up for when that time comes. What do you think?
Shelly Says:
I think the best way to prepare for your first time is by educating yourself about your body rather than ‘loosening up’. First, check to see if you have a hymen. It’s a thin membrane that stretches across the vaginal opening. Get a mirror and have a look and feel with your finger.
I very much doubt it’s still there because tampons, exercise and perhaps masturbating with your fingers usually gets rid of it very early on. Assuming it’s not there, insert one or two fingers inside (use lube if you feel dry) and see how tight you feel. If you can feel your fingers but it’s not uncomfortably tight, you certainly don’t need ‘loosening up’. (Being too tight, by the way, is rarely something men complain about!).
Get him to penetrate a little at a time, and stop in between so you can allow yourself to relax around him. Don’t expect to orgasm the first time around (or, sadly, the next and next and next time, since only about 20 to 30% of women actually climax purely through penetration!). Most women rely on oral sex or him using his fingers to orgasm, so don’t be disappointed if you’re the same!
by Shelly Lomax
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